As we get ready to join our already-in-progress play of numb-nuts and dumb-bells. I invite you to refill your bowls. There’s a surprisingly large quantity left (what? you don’t like it?) so I’ve kept it warming on the stove. It may be a tad thicker than it should be, but you could always add a drop or two of that Canadian almost beer…the little dirt eaters could probably use it. And please, let me know if you are in a part of the world where the sun is just rising, I can fry up an egg to top your stew…I believe I can retrieve one or two from the face of our leading man…the driver.
We’ll pick up with our little ensemble right where we left them…in the freezing dark…at the end of day one. To refresh your mind, and get you in the mood, here is where we stand:
Husband 😯
Wife 👿
Driver 😥
And now we return to…As the Shade Spins, Part II
Before the crew left that first night, we tried to find out where they were staying the night and what the plan was for the following day. Not as easy as one would imagine…owing to the fact that the driver’s particular Haitian dialect was out of our scope and our particular English one was gibberish to him. Apparently.
We did manage to conclude this though…he was planning on returning to Massachusetts (260 miles one way) because his cousin (cough…I mean, one of his crew) needed to be home in the morning for something ‘important’.
Now, maybe we are just too finicky, or too demanding, or just too damned too too…but if I were to say to you we were more than a little pissed off to find out our stuff was being schlepped an added 520 miles, for something that has absolutely nothing to do with our job, adding an inordinate amount of unnecessary liability…would we be wrong? PLUS…would you have believed him when he said not to worry because he’d be back by 8am? Even if he fervently and repeatedly stated he’d be back by 8am no matter HOW much sleep he got?
No, we didn’t either.
And because we lost almost an entire day the first day, we were then in the position of HAVING to finish (finish? shit…start the bloody job) the packing, loading of the house, packing and loading of our storage unit (no electric there either), cleaning and closing both, and making the 800 mile trip to Virginia in one day and not two because we had to be present for our final walk through on the new house in two days time!
Pissed? Just a little.
So…day two dawns just as cold as the day before and they were just as late. Yes, it seems our driver has a ‘waking up’ problem. They managed to roll in somewhere around 11:30am, a mere 3 and a half hours past his feverish and fervently promised 8am. I won’t bother with the emoticons…you can just imagine! Nor will I mention the many, rather colorful, telephone conversations with ‘corporate’. And remember my mentioning in Part I the little detail about daylight being at a premium up there (12 miles from the Canadian border)? Right. We now have about 4 hours ’til dark, and I mean DARK, and they’ve only just arrived and the entire job still to do!
No. Fucking. Way. KISS MY ASS AND CALL ME FRED (Now you know why I dubbed this my 50th Shade – what the hell next?)
Well, I’ll tell you what next…Mayhem! I couldn’t believe it when I went out to the porch to have a smoke, and saw through the gaping mouth that was the open doors of that truck, what could only be considered CHAOS inside! It looked like a couple of drunks had gotten in and started throwing things hither and yon looking for another bottle!
U N B E L I E V A B L E!
I had to leave; had to get out before I killed someone. My husband had been so busy doing their job (dismantling furniture because they had no tools, packing boxes using packing paper they didn’t seem to be using, trying to MARK boxes they had packed because they didn’t realize they had to) and I was trying to keep an eye on how things were being wrapped, etc…that we’d not had a chance to see what was going on until then.
Other than telling them to stop, unload the truck, and get the hell out, there was nothing to be done in the time we had left. So, I had to leave. I drove down to the house periodically to check on my husband, who was working harder than all three of the others, and each time it became more and more evident that my husband had been right…there was NO way this truck was big enough. Especially with the way it was being packed, if you can even call it that. Not for what was in the house and certainly not what was in storage.
O. M. G. Kill me now!
(I’m so sure you all need a potty break by now, or perhaps more stew? But let’s see if we can at least get out of Vermont before we have a commercial. Trust me though, I need one too!)
We end the day at 10:30pm, in the pitch black, bitterly cold, frozen north…steaming mad. When all was said and done this day, in addition to the truck, we now have our two cars, my father’s pick-up truck filled to bursting (where to put our luggage? yeah, like that) (how the hell are two people going to drive three vehicles? yeah, like that) and STILL, items tucked in his barn that won’t fit into either of those three additional transports.
The parting of the driver, crew, and truck wasn’t without a sigh of relief all the same. They even left us a present. Yes ladies and gents, never let it be said that these folks don’t respect their customers. No sir. They lavished us with two plastic carry bags full of garbage, three empty work boot boxes, a broken Styrofoam cooler, and a sundry of packing material trash…strewn carefully and cleverly in the middle of our driveway! And as an encore, they even managed to hit the retaining wall on the way out, knocking the railroad ties flat. Yes indeed…consummate professionals right to the bitter end!
After a few hours of what is sure to be nightmare filled sleep…we hit the road in the morning. It can’t get much worse, so we’ll see what happens on the other end next time on…
As the Shade Spins, Part III
How about a tease for what’s to come? Okay…have a look-see below…oh boy!
Toilet Brush and Tooth Brushes?
Together?
Unprotected in the same box?
(yeah, like that)
(God, I need a drink! I’m just writing it, it already happened, and it’s only 10am…but I NEED it!)
50 Shades of Gray Hair 
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