Recreation – 50 Shades of Gray Hair

Hey Claude…how’s tricks?

Time for another Email Funny! I LOVE my email buddies…:)

For your enjoyment…Claude the Hypnotist!

😆

After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show – Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

“Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time.” said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.

“I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.

“It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations” said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting

“Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch”

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.

The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.

A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

They were hypnotized.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!

The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact!

“SHIT!” said Claude.

It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens’ Center, and Claude was never invited there again.

Drive By Shooting ~ Vermont Style

As the end of fall approaches, I decided to grab the hubby as my driver (the only time I give up the wheel is when there’s a camera in my hand, and then, not always) so I could do one last Drive By Shooting…

From my home in the Northeast Kingdom to the metropolis (that’s the ‘big city’ for some of you) of Burlington, I took these on the fly.

I could have had him stop so I could compose, and I could have doctored them once I got home…

But these are raw and real and that’s just the way I like my drive bys…

I do hope you enjoy my the last hurrah before the snow flies.

🙂

Me Too? Yeah, Why Not

Sigh.

Big sigh.

Bigger sigh.

It’s BEEN a coupla days ya know?

If I had my camera, I think I’d know where to go from here.

But…as it happens, I don’t.

Also as it happens…I won’t.

Not for a while anyway.

So…where does one, such as me, go from here?

Hmmmm

A side trip I think.

A dirt road not yet traveled or a path traveled once that needs revisiting?

I’ve been digging through my photos looking for something…some kind of inspiration.

Imagine the white rabbit in Alice and Wonderland…

I’m late I’m late for a very important date.”

And no, I don’t have a date, but the FEELING is there…of being late, missing something, needing to hurry to catch up,

Ok…so, I know I’m not going to catch up, hence the sigh.

But I am going to just jump onto the path and see where it leads.

**The Natural History Museum at night –** **London**

Why here?

Why these photos?

Imagine the joy of coming out of the dark, which frightens To see and hear the carousel, the enduring symbol of youth and happiness — **Imagine the joy of coming out of the dark, which frightens –** **To see and hear the carousel, the enduring symbol of youth and happiness**

I don’t know for sure.

All I know is this:

it’s as light as it is dark
- me too
for every dark and shadowed corner, there’s a central hall, a heart, full of light
- me too
it holds the secrets of the past as gently and reverently as it exudes the hopes of the future
- me too
it reeks of the old and stale as much as it shines in the light of progress
- me too
it’s full of things that frighten as much as fascinate
- me too

Like I said, it’s BEEN a coupla days.

But I’m glad I chose to jump on this particular path.

It was a good choice the first time, and like all good things….it still is.

Life’s contradictions

Life seen in contrast

Life lived in flux

Life felt in extremes

Life

Let Mikey try it?

Sure. But…

me too

Cheers!

The Laddie is a Tramp

I cannot, in all honesty, say it thrilled me when I heard the kids had gotten a Trampoline.

With a 12-year-old and 3-year-old on that behemoth bouncy bone breaker, I had visions of head wounds and little fingers and toes caught in the webbing, and mid-air collisions that would result in trips to the emergency room.

However, never let it be said that Grammy Rhoni is not one to ‘give it a chance’.

So, on many a morning during our recent trip to almost heaven…I sat with my trusted and constant companion and just watched.

I’m glad I did and hope you can see why.

My laddie is definitely a TRAMP!

The hours of laughter, sweat, and no tears are worth every wrinkle the idea of this thing gave me! — **The hours of laughter, sweat, and no tears were worth every wrinkle the idea of this thing gave me!**

my turn — **I observed big Alex having as much, if not more, fun than the little Alex dude**
**But he DID get his turn!**

running — **What heart wouldn’t melt at seeing the end of such a time?**
**Mine sure did.**
**What a sight!**

So…I guess the lesson here, for all you Grams and Gramps out there…look before you leap; to conclusions that is.

Supervision, common sense, and a love for life is all that’s needed to make this a safe place to be a TRAMP!

🙂

687 Miles to Sloppy Kisses…

It’s been over a year and a half since I’ve seen my grandson Alex, who turned 3 in April.
I can think of nothing I’d rather do than share the next few days with you as we get reacquainted and fall in love all over again…

The Journey:

flag collage 1 — ***The first 200 miles***
***Old Glory flies high and***
***Gas prices do too***
***140 miles more before we leave the high cost of living in the Northeast behind…***

post collage 3 — **The layover at halfway**
**Storm on the horizon**
**Unwanted voyeurs**
**One who is thankful for the break.**
**345 miles to go for sloppy kisses…**

Water, water, everywhere...and not a drop to drink! Oh...and a windmill. — **Water, water, everywhere…and not a drop to drink!**
**Oh…and a windmill, of course.**
**300 miles more to giant hugs from little arms**

farm country collage — **Tooling down the Blue Ridge Parkway headed for the home stretch**
**Silos and Barns growing out of the Corn**
**and oh….**
**Crackin’ the Barrel on every corner!**
**200 miles and we pop the top and pull the cork.**

The Kudzu Climbs The Gas Prices Fall And the Caverns are Cavernous! — **The Kudzu Climbs**
**The Gas Prices Fall**
**And the Caverns are Cavernous**
**100 more to their front door.**

The first hello is always shy...but give him time, our little guy. — **The first hello is always shy…but give him time, our little guy.**

play ball collage — **Next thing you know they’re playing ball**
**Basketball, football, soccer and all**
**Running, shooting, fetching, “no fair!”**
**I’m goin’ swimming…hop in gram, we’ll share.**

So ends the first day…worth the trip and worth the heat.

Stay tuned for the next installment…getting down on the trampoline then popsicle parties and bubble magic.

🙂

Feeling Sluggish? Not such a bad thang!

I absolutely hate staring at this blank page when what I see staring back is, well, a blank page and my mind is also, a blankity blank.

Makes me feel sluggish.

So…naturally, when that happens, I go looking for that day’s alter ego.

And as luck would have it, I found it, or rather, it found me.

We shared some quality wine-time (before it got drunk and the mosquitoes showed up and ruined our party)

Too bad it ended so early because I was quite enthralled with these tales of a slug’s life.

Admittedly though, a tad runny at the mouth. Ewww.

Oh excuse my manners…I’ll introduce you.

Everybody? Meet my new friend.

If I tell you its name, I’ll ruin the lesson, so new friend will do for now:

What I learned during our luscious liquid lunch interested me enough to want to share it with you.

So, if you’ll allow, the slug‘s life lesson begins.

🙂

Did you know, that in addition to being a major part of his mobility requirements, his slime is actually a defense mechanism?

Yeah, I mean, who the hell wants to eat something that gross?

Nothing it seems. Smart little cuss.

And…as luck (? you’ll see) would have it

(kids, cover your eyes..this is for mommy and daddy)

it’s also a huge part of their (shhhh) sex life.

I KNOW!

Imagine?

(Okay, here’s where the third glass is starting to take affect. He fell off his perch mid-sentence and landed on the table; like a cat; feet first!

(that’s a joke…their whole body is one giant foot really)

one too many — **Oops. Schorry – Hiccup!**

To continue…

Of course, we humans secrete our own slime of a sort (well…we do!) but it’s nothing compared to these love bugs.

Slugg-ette drops chemicals into her slime letting Slugg-O know she’s ready.

Months go by…haha, not really but imagine how LONG it takes ol’ Slugg-O to mosey on over?

You might think sweet little Slugg-ette would get sick of waiting…but to hear my new friend tell it…

Slugg-O is packin’ heat and proud of it!

(So the signs on the garden wall are TRUE! Call 1-900-worththewait for a slimy good time!)

His slugg-o-schlong is HALF the size of his body!

Ahem…sorry, was daydreaming.

Anyway, Slugg-ette is staying put! She’s in for the loooong haul.

Once they do manage to mingle, their foreplay can last for hours!

(No surprise there, after waiting all that time? what’s the friggin rush)

But what IS surprising is these little rascals are into…

(kids? still covered? good)

K-I-N-K!

Absolutely!

Biting, tail lashing, licking up each others goo….Grrrrrrross!

But hey, whatever flexes your hose right?

Another interesting fact…and this is why I didn’t give you my new friend’s name…

Because Slugg-ette is Slugg-O and Slugg-O is Slugg-ette, if ya catch my drift.

Yeah, so I’ll call him/her Slugg-ett-O

(anyone else hearing Pinocchio music?)

What this means is that they are both hes and they are both shes and they can BOTH get preggers at the same time for gawd’s sake!

(My head just exploded. Who’s your Daddy? Baby Mama? I’m so confused!)

But all is not wine and roses for these poor dude(ttes).

Sometimes, when they are done with the fun, their fun parts aren’t having any fun a’tal.

Why? Because their schlugg schlongs can get stuck in their own goo!

And as it hardens mid wham-bam thank ya man/am, before ya know it?

SUPER GOO-ED.

Gulp…and the only way out? Can ya guess?

Don’t – it’s a gawd awful picture.

I’ll just tell ya.

One gnaws off the other’s ‘peter piper picked the wrong place to get stuck’.

Yup…the slug version of Bobbittized!

But don’t cry for them Argentina (salt’s bad for them anyway).

Shed no salty tears, all is not as it appears.

Not only is it not fatal to the one who happened to get stuck in the prickle jar…it’s a whole new life!

Basically, your garden variety transgender operation.

Nature amazes doesn’t it?

Seems the dearly depetered goes off to live a normal, happy, Slugg-ett-O life as strictly a female.

A whole new slug. Slugg-ette for ever and ever.

Cool huh?

That’s all we had time for during our first meet and greet; the bugs were bitin’ and Slugg-ett-O

(yeah, I asked…was still packin’)

was obviously slime-faced!

But here’s his parting shot, and if I do say, not a bad looking she-fellow when you get to know her/im

See ya ’round…ya ol’ slimeball! 🙂

an hour later — **Catchya later gater!**
**Next time, I’ll bring the refreshments…If you dare!**

First Times…

Calling all photogs…and friends of photogs.

As this is the time for new beginnings and new adventures for me…I’ve decided to just do it.

Yup.

I’m doing it.

I’ve done it.

What?

Something new…

Those that know me already, know I have a special friend. My constant companion, whom I call CC. We spend quality time together every chance we get, and I’ve shared many a special moment of that time with a lot of you in my earlier life. This relationship is one of fun, reflection, surprise, beauty, sadness, and glory. This special and dear companion is my camera.

Now…a fellow blogger and similar-minded friend rodposse, has put into place a photo challenge on his blog. It’s now in its 7th week and the first one in which I am entering, and it’s a fantastic idea. Win, lose, draw…makes no difference. This is a terrific avenue to take to find new friends, appreciate great photos, and experience how others’ points of view can take you completely by surprise.

I invite you to visit rodposse, enjoy the captured moments in this week’s challenge…which is the element WATER. But stay awhile and visit the past challenges, as well as his own photos. It’s well worth the time.

Become a participant if you choose to do so, by following his simple rules for submitting your own photos. I know more than a few of you have a great eye and take some stunning photos. Go have some fun!

Or if you’d rather, just share your opinion by clicking on the like button for your favorite(s). Simple.

But if for no other reason, visit just to enjoy the view.

This is the link to the challenge (and I’m shameless here, but this link will take you to my entry…However, you can navigate very easily from there, honest)

http://rodposse.com/2013/03/04/6th-challenger-the-last-summer/

The very best to all the entrants…good luck…and keep shutterin.

Rhonda