50 Shades of Gray Hair

Ever Wonder?

Ever wonder what a day

one single day

would be like

if it were just

Black and White?

No gray

Just black

Just white

Good or Bad

No Okays

Right or Wrong

No Halfways

Yes or No

No Maybes

Always or Never

No Sometimes

Now or Never

No Laters

Sun or Storm

No Overcast

Just Black and White

No gray

Ever wonder if it would be a better life; an easier life?

One might think so

Just imagine…our world with its indeterminable amount of 50/50 questions

answered in just one of two ways

Could that ever work?

Would we want it to?

Ever wonder?

Ask yourself 5…just 5…questions, whose answers at the time, helped shape your life. I am imagining these to be the toughest that we must ask ourselves at every critical juncture as we travel our respective journeys.

Then, think about how your life would (or wouldn’t) be different had you only had the option to answer in black or white.

I chose my 5 questions carefully. I won’t share the questions because we have each traveled our own paths, but what I will say is this…because of the ‘no gray’ constriction, my life would be vastly different.

In fact, my life would be no life at all.

You see, even though I had 5 questions, I only needed the ONE to change my life forever. At the time, if we’d been living in a black or white, yes or no, now or never world, my journey would have ended.

So, if you do ever wonder, you really should ask this ONE question first:

Is it worth it? The anxiety, ambiguity, doubt, pain, confusion, fear…and on and on.

The short answer, YES.

The long answer, YES because it is all temporary. What hurts now may not hurt tomorrow, but if it does, we can fix it. Your fears and doubts can be conquered if you work at it. The best motivators in life are doubt and fear…knowledge is the key to overcoming doubt and action is the key to overcoming fear.

What of the love, family, adventure, learning, teaching, helping, guiding…and on and on.

Have you ever walked behind a gray-haired, old person, limping with their cane, and thought “I don’t ever want that to be me”? Or watched from a distance as a gray-haired and bent old man, leans in and pushes his white-haired and wrinkly old sweetheart in a wheelchair, not noticing that he’s whispering to her as they travel, and thought…”I don’t want to live to be that old”?

If so, think of all you’ll loose in not living long and large enough to not earn that glorious CROWN of GRAY! Think of all the choices you’ve made to extend that life, only to look upon the gray, white, and silver generation with pity and sadness, or to some, even disgust.

I know, when I look at a face like the one of that man in the picture above, that he is someone I want talk to, listen to, laugh with, maybe even cry with. His face speaks to me of life yet to be lived.

His face says to me “I Wonder”!

THAT’S the face I want.

That’s the face I’m working on beneath my ever changing CROWN of black, white, and gray!

And another thing…

I guess today’s the day for reflecting on this new retirement gig ’cause I have another thought to share…though this isn’t really about retirement so much as agin’…know what I mean? 🙂

This past weekend, we had family over for a cookout. I told them to come around 2 or so, and planned a bunch of appetizers for the afternoon, leading into grilling sometime between 5:30 and 6.

I got into the kitchen about 9:30 to prep for the day and realized I had 3 items on the dinner menu I could actually make ahead, that way my afternoon could be spent at leisure with our guests, with only grilling the meat for later.

Cool beans!

However, there was one ingredient missing, that I needed, to put that plan into action. I didn’t want the Mr to have to run to the store for one thing, so I asked him if he’d check with the neighbor.

He wasn’t thrilled because, well, I needed an onion.

“Who the hell asks the neighbor to borrow an onion?”

Well, the short answer is…I do!

I sat on the porch (hey,, I was still in my jammies, so I wasn’t gunna do it!) and watched him go to our closest neighbors.

A couple minutes later, I see him walking to the next neighbor’s house empty handed.

Hmmm

I heard his knock on their door, then a minute later, I see him walking up the drive empty handed.

Hmmm Hmmm

Before I could even ask if they didn’t have any or if they weren’t home…my mind went immediately to this:

Do a blog on the list of items you never ask to borrow from a neighbor in a retirement community!

Funny thing is, we don’t live in a retirement community, but I think the Mr and I are one of two couples in the entire neighborhood under the age of 70, and most are 80s and beyond!

Didn’t plan it, just happened to be the only place we could find a house with a first floor owner’s suite for my in-laws.

So…this list and the reasons why NOT to ask, began forming in my head!

(Not sure why all the responses I heard in my head were southern, hillfolk-y… but hey, it’s my head and that what I heered!)

Onions – (Heartburn)

Hunny, if I ete an onion at my age, I’d taste it ’til I done dropped dade!

Sugar – (Diabetes)

Darlin’, we ain’t had sugar in this house fer nigh on a decade. Not since Ralph here got the di-a-beet-is.

Salt – (High Blood Pressure)

Oh Lordy Sugar, we got the blood pressure so bad, jes’ lookin’ at salt would keel us.

Bread – (Gluten Free)

Well you picked the right day to come by little lady…Ma just took a loaf outta t’oven! She’s a-makin’ that new fangled bread call glued-on free. Tain’t bad iff’n you toast it and have yer own teeth!

Eggs – (Cholesterol)

Oh goodness Chil’…with OUR co-less-trul? Shoot…if’n that don’t keel ya, the price of ’em sure as shootin’ would!

Butter – (Clogged Arteries)

Girl…ain’t you heered? Dont-cha-no that stuff’ll clog yer ar’trees faster than a mud pie? Here…take this-a-here. It ain’t half bad and wun’t keel ya ta boot. They done figured out howta make butter without no dairy init.

Milk – (Lactose Intolerance)

Oh now, let me tell ya, we sure do miss us some good ol’ fashioned, cold milk! An’ Ima serious. Wurs thing ’bout gittin’ up in years is losin’ the bowels. Cain’t abide no dairy no more or it’s goodbye kitchen chair – hello commode! Know what I mean?

Tell me I’m wrong!

🙂

Re-TIRED!

Ahhhhhh…

The sound of retirement.

Those ‘not yet retired’ believe this, yes?

For us, we anticipated that Ahhhhh feeling when waking everyday to the knowledge that our time was now our own.

To do or not to do…that is the question!

Our car sticker won’t say ‘Salt Life’.

It’ll say ‘Ahhhhh Life’.

But wait!

Where’s the Ahhhhh?

Where’s the lazy, hazy, crazy days of sitting around watching games shows and daytime soap operas and eating bon bons and drinking tea in the afternoon and martinis at night?

Instead of this sister chinnin’ the wag and waggin’ the bone, I’m merging and purging, mopping and chopping, dusting and busting my ass all the time.

Instead of the mister sitting with other sisters’ misters, bending ears and lending elbows, or lending ears and bending elbows…he’s bending knees and lending back and groaning in all the wrong places!

We are busier than a one armed paper hangers!

Why?

Come on you old codgers!

Fess up ya Bastids!!

The Truth!

There’s a hierarchy to retirement isn’t there.

You knew all along and never let on, that retirement is more a ‘They’re young, and not doing anything now, ask them to do it’ kind of lifestyle!

Right?

We believe this to be the case.

Being retired in your early 60s, living in (a house) and a neighborhood surrounded by 70s, 80s, 90s…means just one thing!

We are the teenagers!

And we all know what is expected of teenagers.

Ack!!!!

“Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”
– Fred Rogers

Today’s the day

Well, today’s the day I finally sit down and two-stroke this puppy into something more than white space!

That’s the plan at least…

We’ll see after a while if there’s anything here worth clicking on that little blue publish box.

Or if, as happens more and more lately, I delete the noise and walk away wondering why I keep paying for this torture.

Let’s see…

I have officially retired.

Is that worth a share?

Sure, why not.

Yay Me!

I’m a little early but sometimes a gray haired gal has to do what a gray haired gal has to do.

Sad though. Loved the job. Everything about it.

There is a lot of truth to the idea that employees don’t leave bad jobs so much as they leave bad management.

Oh well, a new shade in my 50 shades color-book right?

The hubs retired a couple months ago…

The look on his face when he got his first social security deposit made me laugh

(silently of course…uhhhh huh)

He said he didn’t feel old until then and I said…

“Honey, you think you’re old now? LOL, wait ’til your mother finds out! You’ll never have a free day from then on. Your new role will be her beck-and-callboy.”

Two weeks later he had a job.

28 hours a week of sweet freedom.

Trouble is…his days off have naught to do with R & R and everything to do with B & B

(and not the good kind…we’ll call his mom B)

Zilch

Zippo

Zero

Zeriously!

He’s so much in demand when he’s home…I call him Beck-y.

Oh, did I mention his mom and her husband left Florida and moved in with us?

Ohhhhh…how silly of me. I nearly let another Griswold saga go untold!

Geesh, I am rusty.

Those who know me know one thing; if it involves me and a moving truck…it’s a saga of comedic proportions.

I’ll put that on the back burner for now…let it simmer a bit, then fill you in.

I have to be more mindful these days (which is absolutely part of the comedy) of not only what I say, but oh so much more of how I say it!

B’s a bit, ummmm…

Literal?

Humorless?

Judgy?

I’ll put it this way…if I say this:

“Oy Vey”

She’s over there, peaking around the doorway, saying (to no one in particular):

“Why’d she say that? She’s not Jewish”

Yeah.

She doesn’t ‘get’ me.

AT. ALL.

(not easy when you’re the sarcasm queen o’ de-nile)

Anyway, I’ll give it a good think and see how I can share without starting a new Cuban missile crisis!

We finally got winter here in South Carolina!

Yup

Oh wait….crap. It’s gone.

I swear though, I had to put a sweater on this morning.

Really. I ain’t lying!

It was awful!

To all my northern friends and family I say this…

“Stop yer bitchin!”

Some of us have to endure shorts and tank tops and sunscreen all freaking year!

So, pull those suspender laden ski-pants up over your thermal tees and undies, pick up that shovel, and hit the driveway!

I don’t want to hear it!

Back later…have a lunch date and need to change my flip flops.

Ha!

(and B? I’ll print this out and highlight the areas you’ll want to discuss 😮 )

To All The Bloggers I’ve Know Before…

As I look back on the past couple of years I would tell people I was a blogger…I realize I always said that with a sense of pride and, I may as well say it, a sense of accomplishment.

These days however, whenever the occasion presents itself whereby I could work in “I’m a blogger”, I immediately think to myself “Who are you kidding? You haven’t written a single real word for years!”

Alas, this is true. Unbelievable to me as it is…this is true.

There are as many reasons why as there are why not. Rather than list them, let me just say, I MISS YOU!

The inspiration, the writing, the reading, the connections, the camaraderie. All of it. Equally.

Excuses? Sure, but none you haven’t heard, or perhaps even felt yourselves (as I have noticed I’m not the only one of our circle of many, absent without a clue.

So…I say the following, to my oldest and newest, in the order my old brain brings you to me:

NB, aka trentlewin.wordpress.com…I miss our porch-side chats and promises of scotch and wine, but do not EVER think that means I’m not PROUD as hell of you and follow your every move. I do try to comment on your posts, but WP seems to have an issue with my leaving footprints on your doorstep. From me to you…you are worthy and you are AMAZING!

Mim, aka watingforthekarmatruck.wordpress.com…I see you regularly on FB and can feel the happiness radiate from you whenever the grands are involved. In fact, whenever the family is involved. You have always been a stalwart supporter of those who have touched your life, and just to let you know…you changed mine. Regardless of time, regardless of distance, you are, and always will, be a mensch.

BonBon, aka paperkeeper.wordpress.com…Sister, I need an update on you. I have a sneaky feeling as much has changed for you as it has for me in these last years. I miss your smiling effervescence in the face of all that came your way! You were the Head of the Head Cheerleaders!!!

Paula, aka My Queen, aka, paulaaction.com. I follow you elsewhere and thus know you are as unlucky as you are blessed. As a fellow ‘it’s all shit until it’s not’ human being, I am happy for so many, many things for you…and send my heartfelt love to you for the things that suck. Please take better care of you, my one and only Queen. You are NOT replaceable!! You are also one of the few in my circle that continue to write no matter what! You’re a pro…let’s face it.

Paula, aka, stuffitellmysister.com. My Okie sister, fellow lover of all things simple and beautiful in our eyes. I am amazed daily by your posts of the kids and grandkids. Your life is a reflection of your inner light for sure. So happy for you and Marv!

SFAM, aka Susan Daniels, aka, susandanielseden.wordpress.com. Ahhh, what to say to the sister I’ve never met, but always knew. The pages of my life could use the poetry of your heart. I miss the absolute truth of you and hope dearly you are well. I’m sure, between the kids and the kitties, there’s some catching up to do! Yes?

Jules, aka Julie Goyder, aka, jmgoyder.com. There are no words…zero NEW words anyway, to tell you just how amazing you are! And now you are a GRANDMA! I could not be happier for you, and Ming, and believe your star was set on a path long, long, ago, and you’ll continue to shine forever. Miss you sweet woman…and think of you often.

Yvonne, aka misifusa.wordpress.com, aka, the shiniest light of shining lights. I see and follow you on FB and can say you have exquisite taste in four legged fellows. No matter the circumstance, your light finds its way into my world, just by being you. Thank you for that and bless you always.

Tink, aka crazytraintotinkytown.wordpress.com. Deb, I think of you often. These last couple of years have been hell for so many. It breaks my heart to think of it and know so many I love and care for have been touched in the worst way. Your voice is missed by me. Your heart is forever linked to mine. I sincerely hope you are well and want you to know you are loved.

Audra, aka, myunfetteredbs.wordpress.com or upchuckingwords.wordpress.com. I’ve tried finding you and have failed. You were always the one who knew exactly when to open the window and let me know you were there. I wish I could have done that for you! Miss you my friend. Hope all is well.

Annie, aka animalcouriers.com. What can I say…unconditional love to and from the greatest humanitarians I know. Your barks and purrs and licks on the face brightened many a cloudy day for me. I still follow your travels on another site…and am heartened to know you are going strong and steady. Honored to know you!

There are more of you, Lord knows, who have impacted my life. I have learned some have deleted their blogs, sadly, and others, like me, still have them but seldom write, and it’s assumed, rarely read. It doesn’t matter…you are all in my thoughts, and heart, and prayers. I constantly go back and forth on keeping the blog, deleting the blog, letting it expire. But something keeps me from doing any of that. Perhaps it’s you? Deep in there somewhere, perhaps it is. Then again, I erased myself once before and truthfully, am really reluctant to do that again.

Big Mistake.

Huge.

YUUUGE!

In the meantime, please know I think of you all often, pray for you always, and wish you all the best life has to offer.

Your friend in blogging, your friend in life.

Rhonda

and just like that…

we are done with it

it scratched, kicked, bruised, sucker punched, and killed some of us

it manipulated, mutated, trivialized, and traumatized

it had its beginning, its middle, and thankfully, its end

promises made, promises broken

families torn, friendships shredded

a little prick here, a bigger prick there

here a prick, there a prick, everyday a new prick

but

it is dead and we were happy to witness its funereal ball drop

good riddance you filthy annual

history has it now

2 0 2 1

a year that changed the world

2 0 2 2

begin…and good luck

A Thought

I had a thought today

Just one mind you…

American Pie in the Face

A long, long time ago

I can still remember how my stories

Used to make them smile

And I knew if I had my chance

I could make this keyboard dance

And maybe we’d be happy for a while

Sad to say that now I quiver

With every speech I hear delivered

Bad news on the right front

Worse news on the left front

I can remember that I tried

To keep the faith and walk beside

Those flinging arrows long and wide

The day we ran outta pie

So, bye-bye, our American Pie

Prayed for truth, reason, life and love, but was denied

Joined those good ol’ boys and drank some whiskey and rye

Then I told them we were all outta pie

Yes, I told them we were flat outta pie

How to re-write this book of hate

And can we find strength to navigate

Will the media let us be?

Now, I do believe deep down inside

That we can stem this mortal tide

Can you help me help them, you know?

And I know you’re thinking I’m insane

‘Cause I’ve tortured these iconic refrains

But we’ve all pulled on our boots

And kicked us back to our roots

It took two centuries plus to get this far

In the blink of an eye we’ve ripped the scar

And now we’re flinging feathers and tar

The day we ran outta pie

Try to remember, why-why we love American pie

Life’s too tough to stand and watch the past hate revive

The bad ol’ days were in the past we survived

Because we all remembered the pie

Please help each other make some more pie

Do You Have G@S?

Don’t blame me for the question 😆

I was actually headed down a whole ‘nother writting road when I was reminded of something I saw on Fartbook 😳 today that had me digging deeper to find out The rest of the story 🙂

It was about an overly flatulent passenger on a flight from Dubai to Amsterdam on which a passenger let fly 😉 toots that were sooo horrifyingly bad that….well, I’ll let you read some of the more descriptive headlines and you’ll figure it out!

1. IBTIMES.CO.UK
Fart Attack: Plane makes emergency landing after passenger refuses to stop breaking wind on flight!

2. FINANCIALEXPRESS.COM
Transavia Airlines Emergency Landing: Reason As Explosive As It Is Hilarious!

3. NEWSHUB.CO.NZ
Transavia Airlines Flight Makes Emergency Landing After Passenger’s Farting Sparks Fight!

4. THEREGISTER.CO.UK
Farts Away! Plane Makes Unscheduled Stop After Man Won’t Stop Guffing! (that’s a new one on me!)

5. BOING BOING
Fart Rampage Forces Flight to Make Emergency Landing!

6. NYPOST
Farty Passenger Forces Flight to Make Emergency Landing!

7. King C-Note from HOT917FM.COM
“This flight was no GAS!”

8. INC.COM
How Farts on a Flight Led to a Fight and Alleged Racial Profiling.

9. GULFNEWS.COM
Bad Air Forces Emergency Landing!

10. FLIP.IT
Passenger Drops Farts So Putrid Pilot is Forced to Make Emergency Landing

11. DAILYCALLER.COM
Pilot Makes Emergency Landing Over Passenger Dropping Booty Bombs

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don’t know about you all, but I think we needed a story like this to make the headlines today.

Don’t get me wrong…the stories monopolizing the various media outlets these days are important ones. And we as a society must pay attention to and get involved in, finding solutions when and where we can. Especially with regard to the tragedies at our nation’s schools. Of this there is no question.

But something non-political or racially charged…

Wait…there is one headline that does not fall into this category…and to me, it’s just plain ignorant and self-serving; maybe even hate mongering rhetoric.

Did you notice? Go back and read #8.

To claim racial profiling? Really? Do they think his flatulent emissions were trying to enter their country illegally?

Or perhaps their thinking was that his intolerable tootage was being used as a weapon of mass disgustion!

Whatever the reason behind that headline, it’s Just. Plain. Stupid.

Anyway…I was actually writing a post on another kind of gas when I was reminded of these headlines seen today.

If nothing else, I hope it brings a smile to your face.

Or maybe you’ll chuckle enough to release a little pressure of your own!

Hey, when you’re my age…the relief valve doesn’t always work!!!

Sometimes…it’s an effluent pump run amok!!

😆 Peace and Good Booty Bombs to All 😆