Pulling Out the 50th Shade

Famous Opening Lines…We all know them and know too, that when we hear one, there’s bound to be a good story to follow!

Once Upon a Time…

Far, Far, Away…

Long Ago and Far Away…

It Was a Dark and Stormy Night…

In the Beginning…

It Was Love at First Sight…

You get what I mean right?

I know when I hear one, I feel a true sense of anticipation for what’s to follow.

Good storytelling does that for me.

A good story begins at the beginning; that great opening line.

One that gives me that special kind of ‘tingle up my leg’

(stole that from some pseudo-famous liberal’s “tingle heard round the world”)

Anyway…while preparing to re-enter the blogosphere after my short but eventful hiatus from sharing, I needed to capture, in one good opening line, the true sense of what’s to come.

A line to draw you in and make you want to keep going to see what there is to see and feel what there is to feel.

An open to encapsulate the last 374 days, 17 hours, and 49 seconds in a little amuse bouche that, once tasted, will leave you wanting a bigger bite.

None of those listed above will do for me though.  Not this time anyway.

While great, they are lacking that je ne sais quoi I’m hoping for.

So, to that end…I’m pulling out the final shade in my Bag O’ Fifty; the one I didn’t think I’d get to for at least another 5 years minimum, if ever.

The one I call “The 50th Shade – Kiss My Ass and Call Me Fred, What Next?

I know, I know…we are such a huge community of optimists here.

And I love that about us

I do!  🙂

But we all have our limits.  That point where we tell optimism to fuck off!

After we’ve fallen through the hole of the shithouse two-seater, but before we decide whether to wallow in the muck and mire and drown in the sludge, or crawl out and take a damned shower!

Okay…this is me…post-wallow…yet…pre-crawl.

I’m covered in it, sticking with it, red-faced, and blotchy skinned from it…but I ain’t drowned.

I’m one slime-covered maggot with a boil on its ass away from dead, but not dead yet.

I still have one good leg and two good arms with which to push and pull my way out of this crap, and I’m using them now.

(Well, maybe the good leg’s not so useful on the keyboard, but hey, I’m giving it its due)

Stay tuned…my famous opening line is coming…as soon as I think of it.

Then watch out (or at least have an anti-microbial handi-wipe ready)

See ya soon!

In the  meantime….

23 thoughts on “Pulling Out the 50th Shade

  1. I know you better than anyone and have been wondering why in the world it has taken you so long to get back to feeding all of us, who have missed you so much, your tantalizing wit and amazing talent with words. I am so glad to see your 50 Shades – can’t wait to see where it is going to take us. Love you, kiddo – more than you will ever know.

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  2. Pingback: As Promised…The Opening Line | 50 Shades of Gray Hair

  3. Now I sit all aghast and wonder what line will it be… should I be frightened, should I be ready to run?? No.. I don’t think so.. I think I can rest and await the words with anticipation…

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    • Hope it wasn’t too disappointing. My initial thoughts on that opening line were much darker and more colorful…but you know me, gotta go for the guffaw if there’s one to be had. 🙂

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  4. Let’s go WW, the world is waiting for you with open arms…and if you need to hobble on over, no worries -my hunch there’s a lot of people ready to keep you from falling. xox, sk

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