Oh those lazy crazy Sadie days of winter…

Ms Sadie loves it outside but she has one little problem.

She hates the cold.

Well, not hates…but does not tolerate it.

She vibrates…not tolerates. 😆

Unless

There is snow on the ground

True story (and very much like her hu-mom)

So…she wiles away the hours

Chancing a peek Through the Glass Dirty

Hoping for one thing

Snow…ahhhhh schweeeeet, schweet, schnow!

Or is it the squirrel?

Hang on…maybe she’s dreaming of summer.
After all, it’s been a cold, snow-less winter

No, wait! It’s gotta be the bird!
Her buddy Noodles may fly by any minute!
(sorry girl…not gonna happen!)

Sweet girl. Sweet Sadie…waiting for…

Anything Mom…Anything. As long as we do it together!

TEMPEST WARPED

As clearly indicated in this photo of my ‘elevated’ clock collection…time really does fly! Otherwise, how the hell did so much time go by between posts? Oh sure, a snippet here, a snapshot there, but basically…crickets!

Bad writer. Baaaaad writer 😦

Soooo much has happened since my last real update. But, as I recall (who am I kidding? I recall nothing…I had to re-read my last posts to catch up with myself!) we’d basically gotten out of our house and into Mom’s, only to turn right around and do it again when her house sold the very weekend we moved in. So, the crunch was on to find the new house to accommodate everyone’s wants, needs, and pocketbook…no easy task in the best of circumstances much less with less than 45 days to find (finally), contract (ouch), inspect (ahem, is that supposed to do that?), appraise (oooh look hon, we already made a hundred bucks!), and close (ha…they get 5% for that?).

Then came the moving part…and actually, I have nothing to say about that except it went pretty darn well considering the parties involved (namely….me!)

No T to the H to the U to the Gs this time! No Sir. Just lots and lots and lots and more lots…of shit-n-stuff.

Of course that’s not to say we didn’t have our adventures. Most certainly we did, but after we moved in, which was a nice change (for about 30 seconds!). And a post for another day perhaps.

But, to this point, we did find a character-laden property out in the boonies of King William County (and we all know what ‘character’ means yes?) quickly realizing we’d just moved into a time warp. And not in a good way! Suffice to say we move more Forward to the Past than Back to the Future 🙄

How you ask? Wellllll…remember dial-up? Listening to the pings and bongs and dings and dongs as we waited patiently (hahaha) for a connection to that new and wonderful and mind blowing experience called ‘the internet’?

Okay. So we’re not there but what we DO have is Dial-Up-Yours Darrell’s asshat cousin ShitForBrains satellite internet!

Oh Rhett…Gone with the Wind are those lazy hours of streaming and binge watching Netflix. Instead of watching Frankie and Grace hippy-fy the high brow, I’m watching the usage meter deplete faster than a three year old can make a Twinkie disappear.

No more swinging a Swiffer like she’s Ginger (oops…like he’s Fred 😳 ) while singing with Pandora where every channel is the best channel ’cause it’s MINE!

Gone is Dancing with the Real Stars on The Weather Channel Live because that’s been replaced with sitting Shiva to my dearly departed High-Speed Hank so I can spend quality time with my new frienemy, Manual Update in the lonely hours between 2 and 8 a.m.

What’s worse I ask…the frustration, the boredom, or the lack of sleep…I just can’t decide.

What I can say is…ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

I miss my FIOS

And what’s worse…

I hate that I do

p.s. if you’ve nothing better to do, the links in this post are to some of my aforementioned adventures in moving. just sayin 🙂

ATTACKED AT 4:00 A.M.

4:00 a.m.
The only light is the cold white glare of the computer screen
The only sound is the wishy washy whir of the washing machine behind me

UNTIL…(dun dun dunnnnn)

4:05 a.m.
The only light is the cold, white glare of the computer screen
The only sounds are the wishy washy whir of the washing machine, no longer behind but beneath me, as my (thankfully) wheeled computer chair shoots backwards, hits the machine, becomes the launch pad from which I launch myself on top of the machine, to make my none-so-quiet, highly unnatural, most un-ladylike, slightly animalistic, noises, after some sort of CREATURE landed on my nose, scaring the ever loving CRAP outta me, thereby causing a coffee-flood all over my computer desk, before I high-tailed it out of the laundry slash computer slash Ms. Sadie’s room, but not before turning on the glaring over-head light, so that I may (when brave enough to return) investigate this attacking, murderous, intruder and…DISPOSE of it!

4:30 a.m. (do not judge me…it took me a minute ok?)
The only lights are the cold, white glare of the computer screen and the 100 watt glare of the over-head florescent
The only sounds are the gurgling of the draining washing machine in front of me and the slightly judgmental, ticklishly child-like snickering (or so I imagined) quips coming out of Ms Sadie’s crate, and the squeaky, decidedly un-stealthlike, flap of my flip flops on the linoleum as I re-entered the war zone, having donned said shoes and my armor of well-worn sweater
To find………to find………to find……….what the hell…..to find……OH, there it is….at the bottom of my (spilled) coffee cup

A FUCKING LADY BUG!

REALLY?

A SCREAMING MEEMEE, CRAZY-ASS, SISSY-WOMAN OVER A LADY BUG?

5:00 a.m.
The only lights are the cold, white glare of the computer screen and the new, strategically placed, table lamp (10 feet away from the computer table)
The only sounds are the gurgles and whirring of the spinning washing machine and the slowly lessening, yet still slightly deafening, beating of my heart, as my flippy flops flap back to the kitchen to make myself a new cup o Joe

Sans Lady Bug

Go back to sleep Sadie (traitor)

Good Morning World

Now…EFF OFF!

Shades of Gray

I thought I’d be clever

When naming my blog

50 Shades was trending

With its wanking and snogs

I know it’s not porno

This little blog of mine

But it can get racey

When I’m into my wine

So when a day does come

That I can spend all in Gray

I feel I must share it

In my own special way

So I hope you enjoy it

These little snappy spurts

50 Shades of Gray(tone)

Trust me…it won’t hurt

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Mission Impossible OR As I Like to ask… Can We Shoot Him?

I bet at least once in your life

You’ve heard a guy say this

When he’s gettin’ his giddyap

Ready to goddyout…

SHIT SHOWER & SHAVE

Am I right?

Well…hold onto your knickers ladies and gents ‘Cause the Pesky Puke we all know and love…Elf on the Shelf ?

Is a FREAKIN’ TEENAGER this Christmas

{ACKKKKKKKKKK}

So, when HE gets ready to slither and creep and hide and seek…his giddyap to goddyout goes like this…

SHIT

elf5

SHAVE

elf2

SWIG

elf3

elf4

R E P E A T…

SHIT – SHAVE – SWIG – SHARE (eee gads!)

sHelf

thE

eLf

Please

Oh…and by the way?

Have you met the other one?

No?

Introducing…

MENSCH ON THE BENCH

mensch1

Yeah…He’s the older and wiser one 😦

OY OY OY

VEY VEY VEY

NOTSOMUCH

gonna be a looooong season

Just Write…Wright?

A familiar scenario.

3 a.m.

First coffee history.

Second half gone.

I have a fridge full of freshly cut up watermelon & pineapple; bowls of grapes, blueberries, and strawberries…and here I sit. Snug as a bug with my coffee and fruit (disguised as the bowl of leftover Ghoul Goodies no thanks to the ever lurking Señor SnacKattacK…the shadowy shit!)

Apparently I’d transformed into a chainsaw of human proportions while I lounged on the couch after the delish Cuban meal I’d prepared for hubby’s birthday, for which he thanked me by shaking my ass awake (for my own safety naturally) sometime around 1 a.m. to go to bed.

Humph…you’d think after 35 years he’d know enough to let a sleeping chainsaw lie!

**No matter the length of the doze…once she’s reached the critical brum – brum – brum – brrrrrrrrrrrrrr…**

Leave her alone!

Let her saw the damned wood!

Let her clear the freakin’ forest!

‘Cause…You wake her?

She. Is. Done!!!

For someone who hasn’t posted much in the last year, it’s surprising how much blogging has been on my mind lately. Do I miss it? Sure. Is it the writing I miss or the connections. Both. In equal measure.

So I suppose that’s why, at the now current hour of 4 a.m., I’m scribbling nonsense on a white screen, in a dark room, to restless readers, and faithful friends…in an attempt to re-ignite the engine.

Not the chainsaw one (no matter how much I’d like to sleep) but the writing one.

The only way back, as I see it, is to do it…and keep doing it…until the engine purrs once more.

Or ’til the gas runs out.

Then I’ll get more gas.

‘Cause…

The more I wread what writers write – the more I wrealize why writers write – when writers write – while writing what’s wright – or writing what’s wrong – writing is writing-that’s wright – write?

When?

When to be a parent?

When to be a friend?

When to speak the truth you feel?

When an ear to lend?

When do Moms and Dads step in?

When Jack or Jill are hurting?

When do Moms and Dads bow out?

When they’d rather you were averting

When is it okay to speak?

When they’re obviously in pain?

When it reaches the point of no return?

When there’s nothing left to gain?

When Moms and Dads knew what to do

When hugs & kisses soothed

When Jill or Jack were little ones

When life’s wrinkles could be smoothed

When two in love be-came one

When the sun set on that day

When is it the time to speak your heart?

When all you’ve done is pray

When confusion, hurt, and anger come

When sorry just won’t do

When their hearts hurt you know it well

When your heart breaks in two

When to be a parent?

When to be a friend?

When to learn it’s not your concern?

When they tell you so

That’s When

The Struggle Eternal

With love from Mom…

♥♥♥♥

momkid

You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.

~ C. S. Lewis

If you harbor bitterness happiness will dock elsewhere

: Blame destroys your future…your future begins when you own your past

: Sometimes, all we need is one thing to create or welcome change.

: Alone…

: Together…

♥♥♥♥

: The second half is up to you. ♥♥I ought to know

My Friend, Jane

Read this inspriational woman’s words and see into the heart that inspires me. May it inspire you…to knock on doors.

stuff i tell my sister

My friend Jane passed away Saturday evening. She was 91. Her desire was to have her body donated to science. She was hopeful that if they studied an “old” body, maybe they could learn how to help older people lead a healthier and richer life.
There will be no service. No hearse for family and friends to follow to a cemetery, no grave to place flowers. No sad hymns sung.
But I mourn for Jane. I weep for Jane. I will write words to honor the life that her family had no time for any longer.

We didn’t mean to be friends. I knocked on her door one day, while visiting at the nursing home, and she invited me into her room. She then proceeded to tell me that if I was going to talk to her, I’d have to speak up! So I did. ~Smile~ She was polite, yet…

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Move On Dot Argh

To say I was looking forward to another move, especially after the bone shattering experience with Two Thugs and a Truck, would be a GINORMOUS, BIG OL’, FAT, STRAIGHT-UP, BALD-FACED, FIB-A-ROONIE!

But, it is for the greater good and with that decision made, I put ’em on and pulled ’em up and got to work. The biggest question at the time was, what to do first.

To preface…We are selling and Mom is selling and we are buying another one to live in, in perfect harmony. Together. Two 50 somethings and one 70 something. A mother, daughter, son-in-law kinda thing. A husband, wife, mother-in-law kinda thing. Two peas in a pod and the pea the princess found in her mattress kinda thing.

Anyway, with two houses to sell, that meant two houses to pack and two houses to move. Timing is tricky because no one in their right mind would want to deal with the process of selling and moving both houses at once, much less, find a new one in the meantime.

So, we approached it simply…sell one, then the other and hopefully, by the time the other sold, we’d have found and purchased and closed on the new one.

Here’s how I planned it…(and yes, the Big Guy’s up there laughing His holy ham hocks off ‘cause this chick thinks she’s got things under control)

Sell ours, look at houses, pack my shit, lookie lookie lookie, hire a mover, look some more, move our stuff into storage, look at dumps (it’s inevitable), list Mom’s, look at shit-holes (again, you just can’t help it), close on our sale, keep on looking, move into Mom’s, look at more, find one, offer on new one, go under contract, sell Mom’s, pack Mom’s, hire a mover, close on new one, move our stuff out of storage and into new one, move Mom’s stuff into new one, close on Mom’s sale. TA DA

Makes sense, right?
Sounds doable, don’t it?
Stick to the plan and all will be well. Right? [Sounds like those ought to be someone’s famous last words]

Seriously, that is really the only logical way, and the only way I could see it all work, without fear that, at any given point, we’d be living in cars and frequenting the local gas station to pee!

But…this is how it has actually gone down (and yes, yes, you know the drill…I fucked up.)

Sold Ours

Listed Hers – I forgot my own plan so when our house went under contract, the very first thing I did was contact the realtor to get Mom’s house listed ASAP. That day, in fact. I leap frogged right over packing my stuff, hiring a mover, getting it moved into storage, and ran smack into the ass-end of listing Mom’s house.

Packed Ours

Hired Movers (real ones)

Stored Ours

Closed on Ours

Moved into Hers

Sold – her house SOLD the day after we moved in! Which means we no longer had the time we thought we did. We were now looking at a maximum of 45 days for EVERYTHING to be done. THREE houses packed up, moved out, and closed on.

Ours, hers, and a new one!

Now we are frantically looking, looking, looking because we have NO time! {All I can think is ‘Okay people…pick a car. Three of them, three of us’}

Offer-Contract-Negotiate-Fail
(They wanted to live there until April rent and obligation free. Excuse me while I go change my underwear…I think I pee’d myself laughing)

Offer-Contract-Negotiate-Fail
(The fact he didn’t want to address an HVAC unit tilting at a 30-degree angle may have had something to do with this one’s failure. Really dude?)

Offer-Contract-Withdraw
(Loved the house, a view to die for, but on further consideration, the driveway’s grade was so steep it woulda scared the last tooth outta Tommy ‘Toothless’ Trucker’s head, if he’d had any. So, yeah…NO)

Offer-Contract-Withdraw
(This was a hard one to let go ‘cause it was the perfect property for Little Miss Sadie, whose happiness is so much more important than that of her human companions…so yes, I honestly figured I could cram two houses worth of furniture into this one for her sake…but sanity prevailed and he withdrew the offer siting, and I quote “Sorry, but the wife is bat-shit” Ouch…that hurt (true though it is 🙂 )

Found The One!

Under Contract

Now, at this point, I am

Packing Hers

Have Hired movers

Will Close on New One 12/27

Will Move Ours out of Storage and into New One 12/28

Will Move Hers into New One 12/30

Will Close on Her Old One 1/04

Then…

OMFG…I need a nap. Or wine. Yeah, wine. But it’s only 9 a.m. Shit, I’ll have to settle for a nap. I’ll dream about wine. That’ll work. I’ll be back. I can’t think about this for one more second…cya soon