Family – Page 3 – 50 Shades of Gray Hair

Ebb and Flow?

While the recent trauma-drama had not yet completely ‘drained’ from my brain, it had, at least, ‘trickled’ to a minor, albeit steady, unresolved, ‘drip’.

Something akin to Chinese water torture.

However, that said, I was surprised that I was surprised when I found myself, yet again, ‘wading through a ‘puddle of shit’ left behind by another supposed professional’s incompetence!

This time, a new washing machine installation gone horrendously wrong…to the tune of 9,000 bucks (and counting)!!!

[Not to worry though. The insurance companies are duking it out…and if ours wins, we hope to recover the 3 grand over what the insurance has paid so far to re-build my laundry room and replace 1,296sf of carpet and pad upstairs, along with all the molding, as well as damaged drywall and insulation! Which of course means I still have basically NO furniture up there and everything still dumped into boxes! 43 Days People!]

To say I was disappointed would be an understatement, I left disappointed in the frozen north about a month and a half ago.

But, surprised?

Yeah, I was. Surprisingly surprised. HA

Because truthfully? I thought I was on ‘dry land’ once the move was finally over. Even though I was still having to deal with those numbskulls at Colonial Van Lines Relocation, Inc. out of Margate Florida on a daily basis…

(oops, did I just reveal the goon squad’s company?)

…I still felt I’d made strides away from the mind-numb “knuckle-dragger pulling me by the hair” chief cave-cook and horn washer, not to mention head buffalo hide pee-er on-er…

…to the “upright walking, slightly behind and to the left of the Neanderthal” can you take me out for a bison burger instead of hacking it off the carcus and throwing it to me to cook cave-slave .

In other words, almost human!

Writing about it here helped; receiving validation for my outrage here helped.

Not quite in charge, but gaining power.

Or so I thought.

This is not where I thought I’d be 43 days in

Ya know?

While you were reading about the moving shade spinning out of control, I was ‘immersed’ in that new ‘flood’ of bad karma.

I know some who’d say that this is just the way things are sometimes, and that I should just ‘ride the wave’.

Others I know might say I should not let this stress me because all things eventually come out clean in the ‘wash’.

And more still who might believe that at some liquid point between the amniotic fluid and the tidal wave that is my life, I did something mighty wrong and am paying for it now.

Am I?

Are these the waters “come to cleanse my soul”?

Maybe.

But then, if that’s true, I’m not sure how happy it makes me to think that my salvation lies in the gushing effluent of semi-rural, semi-agricultural Virginia.

How cleansing could they be having traveled the length and breadth, in 200 year old plumbing, before snaking its way through the plastic portals of my laundry room; sent to bathe me in their healing, mystical, all forgiving, powers?

**eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwww-ah**
**(that’s a two syllable eew for those that don’t know)**

I mean…Noah got rain. Fresh, pure, clean from the pristine clouds of the pre-industrialized world, never heard of acid rain, sky. And he only had to deal for 40 days! I’m already at 43 and I’m NOT done yet!

And I dare say, even HE had a paddle!

I get rusty, fertilizer tainted, used to be filled with poop but now we use chlorine, WASTEWATER!

When is it going to be MY turn?

Oh nevermind me…a girl can dream can’t she?

(ps…thank you to my grandsons Kyle and Alex for giving me the means to express the faces of surprise and eeeeew)

Moving Day

It’s finally here.
The big day.

Two weeks to find it.

Two weeks to haggle, inspect, haggle some more, fix, and sign on the dotted line.

Leaving behind the bright lights of northern Vermont

Come on men...we have a new kitchen to set up...

Nothing to do now but wait for the professionals who’ll pack whatever is not nailed down…

Just in time for the holiday…

So here we go…time to move

Next stop…
H O M E!!

See ya’ll real soon.
🙂

(PS) this is from my phone…can’t really see it…hope it came through as intended.

Celebrate Something…Always

Like a dead tree teaming with life…

Or a giant symbol of freedom, waving as we go by…

How about being a little hombre, knowing you’re safe because big brother will always be behind you…

Even taking your first tractor ride when you don’t want to…

Whatever it is

and

Wherever you are

Cherish it

Remember it

Celebrate it

Life’s too short for anything less

On The Road Again

It’s official…we’re on the road again.

Tradin’ in

‘Ya can’t get theyah from heeyah’

for

‘Ya’ll come back now, y’hear?’

The Green Mountains of Vermont, the land of my birth…to the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia.

Before the snow flies and on the wings of the snow birds, we’ll be gone.

Naturally, this meant another foray into the wild green yonder of this place I love, to capture as much of her as I can before heading out.

A week from now we’ll be ‘down there’, looking for a home.

If we are successful, in 3 weeks time, I’ll be an Old Dame in The Old Dominion and the other half will be, ummm, well?

Old

I invite you to share my last Vermont Drive By of the Season and look forward to sharing my new home with you

(as soon as I find one)

Five and Twenty

Five & Twenty years today

What seems like only yesterday

You made our family whole that day

Second born & second son

But unique you are, second to none

You favor both your Dad and Me

Your brother? Lord, you two are like peas

Gramp? Ha, have you seen your ears?

With lobes like that you could fly, I fear

Your nose though, even I must admit

Raised an eyebrow or two (whose nose is it?)

Not Dad’s, nor mine, and not your brother’s

Not Father’s Grand nor Grand Mother’s

But we’ll leave the nose, we’ll just call it yours

‘Cause it fits that face we so adore

To celebrate this special day at hand

Our babe, our boy, our teen, our young man

You’ve made our lives rich with love and laughter

We share your hopes, the dreams you’re after

You were just a boy when you left and began

The next leg of your journey toward becoming a man

But you found your life, your love – your way

Thousands and thousands of miles away

It’s never easy to watch your kids go

When you are a father, this too you will know

But we couldn’t be more proud of you, our dear son

For the courage you’ve shown, the battles you’ve won

You’ve proven your mettle, your strength, your grit

You did it alone (mostly?) (a bit?)

As you keep moving forward, new challenges will come

But our faith in you grows with each passing sun

Though, an old soul you have, there is plenty of time

To live for the moment, those moments sublime

We know you do and you always will

Without taking for granted the glorious thrill

That life has to offer to you who are willing

To live what they feel, and feel life fulfilling

Promises? Never. You’ll learn as you go

That heartache and pain are a part of the show

Our best wish for you is to live ‘no regrets’

The more fully lived, the better life gets

We know the depths of compassion you hold

Your empathy, compassion, and emotions are bold

This day of your birth, this twenty and five

Is as miraculous now as the day you arrived

We love you dear Matthew, with all that we’ve got

(Your present’s in the mail…oops…I forgot)

**Sorry honey**
**Didn’t anyone ever tell you?**
**25 is the Poetry year**
**We Love you 😉**

A Day Out with Superman and Lois – Part II

For some New England states, the lack of development makes for an inconvenient truth…there is a high price for beauty. Of all the states that make up New England, Vermont pays a higher price for its pristine vistas and unspoiled landscapes, than do the others. That’s not a scientific fact, but as one who has lived and/or worked in all of them, I feel confident in my opinion.

Seasonal tourism has become the bread and butter of a state (formerly?) known as The Dairy State. However, that said, it’s still not enough to make up for what this state has lost, what it once was, and still pay for what this state now is…an entitlement state with a tax bill to prove it.

You couldn’t drive a mile without passing a flourishing dairy farm; their rich pastures dotted with the familiar black and white of the Holstein, just to name one of the breeds that carved cow paths through much of the landscape of its history.

Nearly every generation of my family, leading up to but excluding mine, was raised or worked on, a family dairy farm.

The sights we see today, or in our case, the sights Supe and I captured yesterday, are now the norm.

Neglect may come to mind…but it goes much deeper.

Neglect suggests a choice.

Being a farmer is a choice.

Losing a farm is not.

And this doesn’t just happen here, it happens all over our country. But here is where I live, and here is where I love, and here is where I weep, for the loss of the American dream, one field, one barn, one beautiful bovine at a time.

I’m glad this day of Reflection with Supe resulted in the following photographs, for amid the not so subtle colors that draw the throngs of leaf-peepers, there are also signs of the times.

And please, don’t get me wrong, not all the photos of yesterday are sad reminders. Some are of the wondrous sites that bring these people from thousands of miles away. The commentary only addresses those photos that evoke a sense of loss for days gone, livelihoods lost, to government’s well intended (?) intervention.

These signs are everywhere.

And knowing his roots as a farm boy, I also know it’s never easy for him to see what is an all too common sight today.

I wanted him to know that I see what once was when I point my camera in the direction of a falling down ruin of a barn, or the overgrown and gone to seed fields that once produced food for the masses, four-legged and two-legged alike.

I wanted him to understand that the photos I take are not just a sad reminder of the times. Nor are they just a snapshot of the foreseeable future.

They are, for me and I hope for him, as much a tribute to the rich history and grass roots past that he cherishes and I’ll never let die.

I wanted him to come away from our day of Reflection knowing I see and feel, the depth of what’s lost and that I’ll never take life, or family values, for granted.

So, here, Part II of A Day Out with Superman and Lois:

The High Price of Low Progress
~♥~
For Dad
~♥~

(and for you Dad, we’ll start with some to make you smile)

See? You are smiling right? :) — **See?**
**You are smiling right?**
🙂

**I’ll end with a Patch**
**A Pumpkin Patch**
**Pick one…it’s YOURS!**

A Day Out with Superman and Lois – Part I

Those of you who followed me in my former blogging life know that when I refer to Superman, I’m talking about my Dad

You also know that I consider him to be just that…a Super Man

As the only girl of 4 kids, I can honestly say that doesn’t make a shit’s bit of difference LoL

I’m just one of the boys only I have bumps in the front and I’m the one who got our Grandmother’s thighs

The boys got our Grandfather’s hairline (or lack thereof), but that’s a hairy tale for another day

Yesterday was a Dad and Me day

Supe and Lois

We plopped into the Mini, picnic basket in hand (thanks Mom), camera at the ready; for a day of riding the dirt and following the sun.

Please enjoy Part I of the fruits of our day

The part of the day I call…

Reflections…in more ways than one.

And thank you to my all time favorite dirt road traveling companion…I love you Dad

It’s Electric

Thunder claps.

The only alarm that ever could, wake me.

I could sleep (provided I am sleeping) through the most annoying man-made alarm out there.

But give me a good clap of thunder and awake, out of bed, and standing at the wide-open front door I am.

In a flash.

One thing I do not do is waste a good thunderstorm.

Even as we speak, the noise rolls across the sky; it sounds miles away before it fades.

Lightning on its tail.

One, two, three…you know the drill.

I don’t question this fascination and love (yup, love) of the great God of Thunder.

It just is, and always has been.

A family tradition even.

As a teen, I recall being on the front porch with my father and one of my brothers during a storm.

It was e l e c t r i c !!

The porch was long, flat, ground level, and concrete.

The rain was coming so fast the ground could not absorb it fast enough.

The puddles began to form on this electrifying porch, during this electrifying storm.

One sound I recall hearing on that particular evening was a clap so loud I had to cover my ears while I shouted my delight.

The sound that followed was as loud a boom as any you’d hear on the fourth of July.

Drawing not the oohs and ahs of appreciation. No.

But screams, yelps, and moans of the three of us on the porch.

The only thing louder was primal screams as my Mother ran out of the house onto the porch seconds after the sound that woke the devil and the moans that followed.

Some noise came from the direction where my brother had sat in an aluminum lawn chair.

A chair which now lay on its side, empty, in the puddle that had formed under it.

He was now flat on the ground, still shocked.

The other chair’s occupant, my Father, came out of his like his ass was on fire, releasing a sound no one would mistake as an exclamation of happy surprise.

For myself, I danced the dance of the mouse in an electrified cage, as I was standing barefoot in my puddle of what began strictly as rain before I added my own brand of yellow dew drops.

The porch had become my own Skinner Box.

The humming inside my head so loud it’s a wonder I heard anything else at all.

Confused, being pushed and pulled, seemingly in all directions at once, we finally managed to get inside.

A lesson – One for a lifetime.

Go inside, close the windows, pull the shades, hide under the bed during a thunderstorm?

Hell no…

Don’t use aluminum lawn chairs or stand in puddles barefooted on a flat, ground level, concrete porch of course!

Now please excuse while I return to the chair I’ve placed center stage to enjoy the show.

A chair made of wood, on dry ground, INSIDE.

😯

BATTLE LINES

I AM PTSD

A Wife’s Cry

by Lindsay Hernandez

†

I live in the shadows of minds I overtake
I am with you, every time you wake
You try with therapy, pills, and rest
I will overcome you even when feel your best
I suck the life, joy, and happiness out of your mind
All because I won’t be confined.
I wreak havoc on family and friends,
Just because they want to mend,
The broken heart I do bend.
I make you feel like you’re going mad
Just because you have seen something bad.
You fought for your country proud,
Now all I give you is screams aloud.
I am in your dreams, heart, soul, and eyes
And laugh because so many have cried.
They cry because they hurt inside
For the loved one I destroy.
I make you sick, weak and cry,
All you want to do is try.
To have a quiet day,
With no thoughts of what is at bay.
Just so you know,
I have put you through hell.
The worst day you have seen,
Is not at all what has been
Stored up inside your head.
You will never get rid of me,
For I am PTSD.
I will haunt your dreams and your wake
You will start to shake,
Sweat,
Cry,
Scream,
Beg to rid me from your thoughts,
I will be there forever,
I have taught you to never say never.
You kiss the ones who try
And, most the time cry,
To keep you safe and calm
For the storm has started since 2006.
For I dig my claws,
In to all surrounding jaws.
They don’t know what to say,
To make me go away.
From the hell I create every day.
The pain is so tormenting and deep,
All you can do is keep,
Me all to yourself.
For you are a soldier who has been trained well
Once again to live in this hell.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I Am Warrior

A Mother’s Answer

by Rhonda

♥

you hide in shadows like the coward you are
coiled and ready to strike and jar
me from those moments I’ve managed to find
precious few minutes of calm in my mind
your aim is true as you grab hold and squeeze
twisting, constricting ’til I’m on my knees
my breath you take, my blood runs cold
then your fangs sink, that’s when they take hold
injecting your poison, this venom so vile
that it renders this warrior unable to smile
or to laugh or to love or to reach for the light
that shines all around him, through the love in his life
But hear me well…that light, love, and faith
are that which will beat you, send you to the gates
of hell where you came from, it’s there you’ll return
to the fire that birthed you, in it you’ll burn
for i am a warrior of the red white and blue
one of millions who are battling you
you’ve gotten fat on the ones you think beaten
but their war’s not over, nor mine, retreating
is not in our credo, our oath is unshaken
we fight for each other ’til each has taken
that final march in the battle to destroy
the silent pestilence invading our joy
standing together, warriors all
families, friends who’ve heeded the call
our mission is clear, you a clear target
our ammo is chambered, and lest you forget
we fight to the death for ourselves and each other
for each of our sisters and all of our brothers
we’ll drag your disease ridden, slimy carcass
into the light, no longer you’ll mark us
in shadows or nightmares, or memories unbidden
this light we will shine until all is unhidden
you can’t survive where there are no shadows
you can’t feast on a mind where truth flows
perhaps not today and maybe not tomorrow
but you will not beat us; bury us in sorrow
we are warriors, an army of light
we’ll see you in hell before we give up our fight
we know your name, we’ve got your number
PTSD?
Fuck You – You’re OUTNUMBERED
HOOAH

Two Steps…Yeah…Then One

Two steps forward

One step back

Why?

Why ask why?

It does no good

For every day of sun…

There are two of clouds

There’s a lesson here

I know there is

An opportunity to learn

To grow

But when is it okay to say enough?

No more school

I’m tired of school

School of life; school of love; school of fish…

It’s all the same

Two steps forward

One Step back

When we are close to the edge, trying our best

Little things become more than little things

They become

Bigger than we can deal with in any given day

On tHaT day

When is it okay to say

Enough?

Just

Enough!

Ever?

Wishful thinking?

Testing faith?

Thinking we are more important than we are?

Don’t know

Don’t care

E n O u G h

Tired of the tears

Tired of snot running down my face

Tired of feeling life is bigger than I am…

e N o U g H

Pretending is a ten letter word disguised as a four letter one

Take your pick

Fuck…Shit…Hell…Damn…

E N O U G H

Losing a marriage

Losing love

Finding love

Losing love

Losing love again

Finding love

Losing sight

Losing perspective

Losing…

Gaining should be the thing

And would be…

BuT

ENOUGH

Of the one step forward and two steps back

ENOUGH

Of the two steps forward one step back

Just

Fucking God…Enough