12 Days of Christmas (2 days late)

(Yes, you have to sing it!)

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me

A bill that was way oh-ver due

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Two fucking chances

To eh-splain why the bill was oh-ver due

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Three dirty looks

Two fucking chances

To eh-splain why that bill was oh-ver due

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love said to me

“Four bill collectors

Three rotten voice mails

Two fu-cking chances

Now eh-splain about that fri-hi-ggin bill”

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love went to work

Missing fiiiiiiiiiiiiive of his teeeeeeeeeeth

Fo-hor missing buttons

Three rips and tears

Two-hooo franctured toes

And a mouth full of oh-ver due bill

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love asked of me

Please call the dentist

Foooor my mis-sing teeeeeth

“Fo-hor days ago

I lost my mind

Please do not kill me

And from now on you ge-he-het the mail”

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love brought to me

Seven wrapped up presents

Six pounds of chocolate

Fiiiiiiiiiiive din-ner coupons

Fo-hor smelly candles

Three movie tickets

Two-hoo spa-ah days

And a day for our dog at Pup’s R Us

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love asked of me

Please stop obsessing

Let me say “I’m sorry”

We can have a re-do

IIIIIIIIIIIII was a shiiiiit

I promise not to question

What you do or don’t do

Because I don’t know shit

When it comes to making it ah-all work

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love hid from me

Fear of what would happen

D’nial that was his mantra

Refusal to believe that

The fact his Mother was right

His wiiiiiiife wazzzz such a biiiiiiiiiiiitch

Oh-ho-ho who does care

That he had invested

More than you may know

And that his partridge left long-ong-ong-ago

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love said to me

1 thru 9 are awesome

10 thru 12 are missing

This is so distracting

I only wanted quiet

Is that too much to ask for

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive Golden Rules

Fo-hor pleading men

Three spanish prayers

Two birds in a bush

And I won’t tell the partridge he is di-hi-hi-in-er

No I won’t tell the bird that he is toast

12 thoughts on “12 Days of Christmas (2 days late)

  1. I’m coming over for dinner… and boy did I need to read something like this. I laughed, SB, my I laughed at your sheer crazy… and then sat back, thinking about what it takes to make it all work.

    Like

  2. Oh NB…if ONLY you WOULD come for dinner!! I promise I won’t serve Partridge!! 🙂
    I’m glad you laughed..I was in a silly mood and wanted to celebrate in the best way I know how…making fun! And no worries…even if YOU don’t know how to make it all work, trust me…SHE does. It’s one of the things we do best after all. LoL

    Like

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