To say I was looking forward to another move, especially after the bone shattering experience with Two Thugs and a Truck, would be a GINORMOUS, BIG OL’, FAT, STRAIGHT-UP, BALD-FACED, FIB-A-ROONIE!

But, it is for the greater good and with that decision made, I put ’em on and pulled ’em up and got to work.  The biggest question at the time was, what to do first.

To preface…We are selling and Mom is selling and we are buying another one to live in, in perfect harmony.  Together.  Two 50 somethings and one 70 something.  A mother, daughter, son-in-law kinda thing.  A husband, wife, mother-in-law kinda thing.  Two peas in a pod and the pea the princess found in her mattress kinda thing.

Anyway, with two houses to sell, that meant two houses to pack and two houses to move. Timing is tricky because no one in their right mind would want to deal with the process of selling and moving both houses at once, much less, find a new one in the meantime.

So, we approached it simply…sell one, then the other and hopefully, by the time the other sold, we’d have found and purchased and closed on the new one.

Here’s how I planned it…(and yes, the Big Guy’s up there laughing His holy ham hocks off ‘cause this chick thinks she’s got things under control)

Sell ours, look at houses, pack my shit, lookie lookie lookie, hire a mover, look some more, move our stuff into storage, look at dumps (it’s inevitable), list Mom’s, look at shit-holes (again, you just can’t help it), close on our sale, keep on looking, move into Mom’s, look at more, find one, offer on new one, go under contract, sell Mom’s, pack Mom’s, hire a mover, close on new one, move our stuff out of storage and into new one, move Mom’s stuff into new one, close on Mom’s sale.  TA DA

Makes sense, right?
Sounds doable, don’t it?
Stick to the plan and all will be well. Right?  [Sounds like those ought to be someone’s famous last words]

Seriously, that is really the only logical way, and the only way I could see it all work, without fear that, at any given point, we’d be living in cars and frequenting the local gas station to pee!

But…this is how it has actually gone down (and yes, yes, you know the drill…I fucked up.)

Sold Ours

Listed Hers – I forgot my own plan so when our house went under contract, the very first thing I did was contact the realtor to get Mom’s house listed ASAP. That day, in fact.  I leap frogged right over packing my stuff, hiring a mover, getting it moved into storage, and ran smack into the ass-end of listing Mom’s house.

Packed Ours

Hired Movers (real ones)

Stored Ours

Closed on Ours

Moved into Hers

Sold – her house SOLD the day after we moved in!  Which means we no longer had the time we thought we did. We were now looking at a maximum of 45 days for EVERYTHING to be done. THREE houses packed up, moved out, and closed on.

Ours, hers, and a new one!

Now we are frantically looking, looking, looking because we have NO time!  {All I can think is ‘Okay people…pick a car.  Three of them, three of us’}

Offer-Contract-Negotiate-Fail
(They wanted to live there until April rent and obligation free. Excuse me while I go change my underwear…I think I pee’d myself laughing)

Offer-Contract-Negotiate-Fail
(The fact he didn’t want to address an HVAC unit tilting at a 30-degree angle may have had something to do with this one’s failure. Really dude?)

Offer-Contract-Withdraw
(Loved the house, a view to die for, but on further consideration, the driveway’s grade was so steep it woulda scared the last tooth outta Tommy ‘Toothless’ Trucker’s head, if he’d had any. So, yeah…NO)

Offer-Contract-Withdraw
(This was a hard one to let go ‘cause it was the perfect property for Little Miss Sadie, whose happiness is so much more important than that of her human companions…so yes, I honestly figured I could cram two houses worth of furniture into this one for her sake…but sanity prevailed and he withdrew the offer siting, and I quote “Sorry, but the wife is bat-shit” Ouch…that hurt (true though it is  🙂  )

Found The One!

Under Contract

Now, at this point, I am

Packing Hers

Have Hired movers

Will Close on New One 12/27

Will Move Ours out of Storage and into New One  12/28

Will Move Hers into New One  12/30

Will Close on Her Old One  1/04

Then…

OMFG…I need a nap. Or wine. Yeah, wine. But it’s only 9 a.m. Shit, I’ll have to settle for a nap. I’ll dream about wine. That’ll work. I’ll be back. I can’t think about this for one more second…cya soon

Wow…though I am the sole author of this blog, even I am surprised that nearly 6 months have passed since my last post.

And what a 6 months it has been.

My last share was an update on our painter, IMA.  To put that puppy to bed, he did finally finish to my satisfaction and it only took him twenty-one days longer than he quoted. The fact that we missed our optimal window to list our home for sale is of no consequence now, but at that time, it was the sour pickle served with our shite sandwich.

During the paint-a-thon, we’d been working with a realtor who knew our market extremely well and who felt we’d have a buyer in the first two days once we were listed, provided….again, p r o v i d e d, we could get on the market before the end of June, as that was the end of the ‘optimal window’ for listing in our area, our house size, and our price range.  We were in the best school district, had a family size house, and our neighborhood was hot, hot, hot for sales.

Ahem…yeah, IMA didn’t finish until July 11th and odd as it may sound…those eleven days made all the difference. We listed that very day, had a heavily attended open house that weekend, and lo and behold….nothin.  We’d missed those potentials wanting to close prior to the start of the next school year, and the majority of those on-the-hunt then, were Boomers looking to downsize and first timers thinking they deserved perfection.  LOL, they’ll learn eventually.

I spent the next 6 weeks coming and going, making sure the house was always ‘show ready’, which meant Ms. Sadie’s hair all over the place, on a daily basis, was causing me stress!  It also meant that Mr’s lack of clothes hanging skill, inability to remember how to put a dish in the dishwasher, much less forgetting that people looking to buy a house don’t necessarily enjoy walking through a mine field of DOG CRAP in the back yard…was causing me stress!

We were averaging a showing a day!  Sometimes more.  Sometimes…with 15 minutes notice.  Sometimes…with zero notice, meaning the realtor calls and says “LEAVE”.  I kid you not.  True story.  The fact I told her I’d never say no may have gone to her head, but…I never did.  Say no.  Not once.

As it happened, that last one?  The phone call to LEAVE?  Yeah, they were the ones.  They were the next boil on my arse.  The Buyers!  Oh, you didn’t think the next stage would be any better or go any smoother than the previous ones did you?  Hahahahaha….hello?  This is me we’re talking about!

Anyway…the buyers.  Sigh….such a nice young couple.  Oh wait, that was a dream I had once.  They were not nice, not young, and they have a teenager and an adolescent. But…they WERE first time home buyers.  Oh, and he is a car salesman guy.  Eeek, wish I’d known that upfront.  He fancied himself a master negotiator and refused to give an inch ’cause he knew what he was doing!  🙂

Since they were first timers, and he a salesman to boot, they expected everything to be exactly AS, WHEN, HOW, they wanted for the additional sum of $0.00  Plus, they wanted us to pay them to buy it ($9,000 in closing). If we were told once, we were told a thousand times…they are cash poor and credit rich, so it would just be better to give in and move on. Imagine their realtor saying that?  Yeah?  No…that was OUR realtor.

Besides the 9 large in closing assistance, they wanted my dining room table and chairs. And believe it or not, we negotiated price and we negotiated closing assistance, but he (and yes, it was him) refused to budge on the table and chairs.  In fact…when he didn’t get what he wanted for assistance, he insisted he get the hutch too!  Bastard.

Our realtor (in fact, both realtors I would imagine) was pulling her hair out.  She never once said the buyers were being unreasonable though…she always ‘suggested’ it was us and if we wanted to sell, then we’d deal.  WTF?  Who was she working for again?

We did finally come to an agreement, and I’m sure he thinks he pulled one over on us because we gave more than we wanted in closing and he did get the hutch in the end. However, it was a compromise.  He didn’t get as much as he wanted and we added the price of the hutch to the sales price, so we sold over asking and the completely ineffectual realtors each made 3% of that…gotta love it.

The next step was the inspection…HA…nothing says a newbie like a first-time buyer’s reaction to a home inspection!  You’d have thought the house was condemned!  LOL, still makes me chuckle.  But…we agreed to a couple small items (changed a couple older smoke detectors for new ones) and did a couple piddly things outside and the rest was small, normal maintenance stuff that this new home owner will just have to learn to take care of on his own.  Renter no more = do your own shit.  No better time to begin than now.

Next….the move.  Well, the first one…I’ll leave it there and pick it up next time.

Hey…was so good to see you all and if I’m not back in time…(though I hope so)

HAVE A SAFE AND WARM AND LOVING HOLIDAY SEASON

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Is there such a word as downdate?

How about upsidedowndate?

Yeah, that’s better

Whichever it is…I have one

Here are the latest photos of my living room, dining room, kitchen…

Ready?

My living room pile

my dining room pile

my kitchen eat in area

Look familiar?

Yup…

IMA called off on Saturday (flat tire)

IMA’s Dad wrote me on Monday (mother needed transportation)

It’s 10 am Tuesday…HESA not here yet

IMA pissed

There…that’s my upsidedowndate?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr