(Yes, you have to sing it!)
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A bill that was way oh-ver due
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two fucking chances
To eh-splain why the bill was oh-ver due
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Three dirty looks
Two fucking chances
To eh-splain why that bill was oh-ver due
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love said to me
“Four bill collectors
Three rotten voice mails
Two fu-cking chances
Now eh-splain about that fri-hi-ggin bill”
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love went to work
Missing fiiiiiiiiiiiiive of his teeeeeeeeeeth
Fo-hor missing buttons
Three rips and tears
Two-hooo franctured toes
And a mouth full of oh-ver due bill
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love asked of me
Please call the dentist
Foooor my mis-sing teeeeeth
“Fo-hor days ago
I lost my mind
Please do not kill me
And from now on you ge-he-het the mail”
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love brought to me
Seven wrapped up presents
Six pounds of chocolate
Fiiiiiiiiiiive din-ner coupons
Fo-hor smelly candles
Three movie tickets
Two-hoo spa-ah days
And a day for our dog at Pup’s R Us
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love asked of me
Please stop obsessing
Let me say “I’m sorry”
We can have a re-do
IIIIIIIIIIIII was a shiiiiit
I promise not to question
What you do or don’t do
Because I don’t know shit
When it comes to making it ah-all work
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love hid from me
Fear of what would happen
D’nial that was his mantra
Refusal to believe that
The fact his Mother was right
His wiiiiiiife wazzzz such a biiiiiiiiiiiitch
Oh-ho-ho who does care
That he had invested
More than you may know
And that his partridge left long-ong-ong-ago
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love said to me
1 thru 9 are awesome
10 thru 12 are missing
This is so distracting
I only wanted quiet
Is that too much to ask for
Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive Golden Rules
Fo-hor pleading men
Three spanish prayers
Two birds in a bush
And I won’t tell the partridge he is di-hi-hi-in-er
No I won’t tell the bird that he is toast
50 Shades of Gray Hair 