I never thought, when I began blogging, that so much of my white space would be devoted to the subject of rape and sexual assault and abuse
After all, my blog is not called
“50 Shades of Retribution”
“50 Shades of Horror”
It’s called 50 Shades of Gray Hair
And as I write that last sentence, I realize I’m doing exactly what my tagline suggested I was going to do
Exploring my own 50 shades of gray matter
And in exploring what tickles me and ticks me off…this matter happens to be one big, fat, hairy, gray one
Matter that took me more than 45 years from the start of it to face, speak out about, seek help for, and begin the process of forgiving myself by working to place the responsibility where it belongs
Not in the heart or on the soul of a 5-year-old, 6,7,8,9…19 year old girl! Or 20, 30, 40, 50…..80 year old woman, if I’m lucky enough to live that long.
It needs to be thrown into the faces, stabbed into the hearts, and tattooed onto the souls of both the familiar and the unknown faces of those with black hearts and ruined souls who felt they had the right!!
Those who felt they were owed!
Those who felt we asked for it!
Those who believe a 5-year-old wants it!
Those who thought it was no big deal!
Those who blame their victims!
The following link shows just how deranged, deluded, and dangerous these predators are.
In their own words…as (forever and ever) remembered and demonstrated by their victims:
PROJECT UNBREAKABLE – an online photography project that aims to “encourage the act of healing through art.”
It’s not pretty
It’s not nice
But it’s real
Very, very real
Please, take a moment and click the above link.
If it doesn’t make you mad, it’ll make you cry.
If nothing else…it should remind you to
never forget or take for granted the power of words.
In the wrong hands, they can fatally wound a heart, forever scar a mind, indelibly stain a soul
In the right hands…they can free the world…one victim and one share at a time
And this shade of gray looks good on me…a fighting shade, a warrior shade, a sharing shade
By all means, choose your own shade
Wear it loud and proud
But do the world a favor…Share it!
22 thoughts on “White Space and Gray Matter…”
Perfectly said, SFAM.
And perfectly shared. Thank you my friend. Warrior you are! xo
Reblogged this on Susan Daniels Poetry.
Thank you Susan…xo
It’s funny that when you finally acknowledge the shit that happened when we we young, you don’t feel much better about it. I was sexually molested by three different men within a short distance. The worst was my caretakers husband. Who knows when it started. They had me since birth till around 4th grade. It was a regular happening. Then there were his family members who would tell me to get lost when they visited. That it was his grandchildrens turn to spend time with him. I would be so relieved. Back then no one said anything. I didn’t grow up with a father. I didn’t know what men were all about. Messes with your head. I never felt guilty. I never felt it was my fault. When I became a teenager, that’s when I became mad. I was sexually assaulted when I was in 8 th grade. That sucker died right after high school. Found out just recently I wasn’t the only one. I’m glad he is dead. I’m glad the other three old men from way back are dead too. I don’t feel guily for saying that either.
And you shouldn’t. There were 5 for me…3 family, 1 family friend, and 1 ‘date’ when I was 19. All still alive and all but the date rape, still part of my family dynamic. No worse than for any other victim except the knowing they are still there. I always felt shame and guilt and fear and responsible for not ruining my family for telling. I’m sickened by and saddened by the story of the men who hurt you…introduced you to the world of men in such a disgusting and demented way. I’m also glad you got mad…one thing I never allowed myself to do…and frankly, while I FEEL it now, have been able to safely vent it…I still have trouble showing it outside my own four walls. But I’m working on it. I’m glad you came by, I’m glad you shared with me, and thru me, with everyone here. Thanks for telling it like it was and like it is. It helps. xo
I have so much love for this and so much love for you sister!
This is Nirvani by rhe way:) on my phone
Thanks for coming back and telling me who Someone is…now I can say I have a Sister Nirvani that I love. Thank you…xo
Well, I have a Sister Someone that I love!
To me, rape, and especially of a child (can hardly get the words down it is so disturbing), is the worst atrocity and the horrifying statistics show that it is like a kind of terrorism-next-door reality. I followed the link and was struck by the sad beauty on the faces of those victimized and by the moronic words that were said to them by their attackers. You are so courageous Rhonda and I admire you so much. Thank you for spreading this kind of awareness. Juliexxx
Thanks Julie, and everything you feel is justified. Just words, but because they came from the mouths of predators, haunt and continue to infiltrate to minds and lives of victims…sharing a million times over won’t take them away, but maybe we’ll help take away their power. At least that’s what doing this feels like to me. xoxo
Fight on WW..heal your heart and soul first and foremost…Look at how many women you are reaching as you reach into your history and seek to heal. The pain and horror that the link above evokes is appropriate – it should horrify and hurt for rape and abuse are all that and more. Keep going Rhon, keep going…there may not be a rainbow at the end, but there will be peace. love, m
And that is the preferred pot of gold Mim…peace. So, thank you for the encouragement. I am, and will, keep going. xo
I went through the photos, SB. I think in the end, despite advocating for rage, I can’t generate enough of it to adequately reflect the evil that has been done to these people and to yourself. At times like these, I wonder if there is genuinely enough good spirit in the world to overcome. I know there is. There must be. But I feel ashamed about humanity this morning – ashamed and saddened that this is what some do with the precious lives that we have, and to whom they do it. I can’t abide the stories about abuse of children. I really can’t do it, having little ones at home, it’s too much. I am glad you are strong and that you are raging, and that you are speaking. This is necessary.
And I’m glad your little ones have you on their side…because you will be ever vigilant in keeping them safe, but more important, if evil should touch their precious hearts…they’ll know they can talk to you, always! Tell them the words predators use to force silence, then tell them there is nothing anyone could say or do that would make you stop loving them. We go about raising our children thinking they ‘know this already’…but trust me NB…they don’t. xo
Those are good words SB. And good advice. And ever so important. I take this to heart, my friend.
I know you will, both of you will, for what’s most precious is at stake…xo
I can’t think of anything more repugnant – keep fighting the good fight
Thank you for your comment, and yes, the fight continues and the army grows with help from anyone willing to speak up.
To rape or sexually molest ANYONE, no matter what age, is horrible and disgusting. I’m not usually a violent person, but I hope all the attackers burn in hell and die a horrible death (I’m not sorry for saying that).
Thank you for posting this, and I hope you and everyone who went/is going through this stays strong and keeps fighting.
Thank you for stopping to comment and there is always room for the outrage, there is no other way to look at something like this. I hope too, that those who have NOT gone through this kind of trauma, also continue to fight…this is one fight we cannot afford to lose. For our children, and theirs, and theirs…keep the lines of communication open.