12 Days of Christmas (2 days late)

(Yes, you have to sing it!)

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me

A bill that was way oh-ver due

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Two fucking chances

To eh-splain why the bill was oh-ver due

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me

Three dirty looks

Two fucking chances

To eh-splain why that bill was oh-ver due

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love said to me

“Four bill collectors

Three rotten voice mails

Two fu-cking chances

Now eh-splain about that fri-hi-ggin bill”

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love went to work

Missing fiiiiiiiiiiiiive of his teeeeeeeeeeth

Fo-hor missing buttons

Three rips and tears

Two-hooo franctured toes

And a mouth full of oh-ver due bill

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love asked of me

Please call the dentist

Foooor my mis-sing teeeeeth

“Fo-hor days ago

I lost my mind

Please do not kill me

And from now on you ge-he-het the mail”

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love brought to me

Seven wrapped up presents

Six pounds of chocolate

Fiiiiiiiiiiive din-ner coupons

Fo-hor smelly candles

Three movie tickets

Two-hoo spa-ah days

And a day for our dog at Pup’s R Us

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love asked of me

Please stop obsessing

Let me say “I’m sorry”

We can have a re-do

IIIIIIIIIIIII was a shiiiiit

I promise not to question

What you do or don’t do

Because I don’t know shit

When it comes to making it ah-all work

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love hid from me

Fear of what would happen

D’nial that was his mantra

Refusal to believe that

The fact his Mother was right

His wiiiiiiife wazzzz such a biiiiiiiiiiiitch

Oh-ho-ho who does care

That he had invested

More than you may know

And that his partridge left long-ong-ong-ago

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love said to me

1 thru 9 are awesome

10 thru 12 are missing

This is so distracting

I only wanted quiet

Is that too much to ask for

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive Golden Rules

Fo-hor pleading men

Three spanish prayers

Two birds in a bush

And I won’t tell the partridge he is di-hi-hi-in-er

No I won’t tell the bird that he is toast

T’was the Year Before This One


T’was the Year Before This One


IMG_2029T’was the year before this one, exactly this day

They had dealings with elves Satan had sent their way

Cleverly disguised as movers, those elves

Had completely and thoroughly, distinguished themselves


As minions of evil, true thugs, nincompoopsIMG_2032

Whose Coup de Grace was an utter Grace de Poop

Pa was on the phone with Satan’s head guy

Ma was outside screaming her battle cry


IMG_2039

When all of a sudden, there rose such a clatter

Pa did spring from the house to see what’s the matter

He saw flashes of fire coming out of her eyes

And heard “I. Am. Leaving. Before someone DIES


 

IMG_2033Little did she know that was only the beginning

Of the Battle O’ the Bunglers (Satan ended up winning)

But through all the breakage of glass, wood, and legs

They stopped trying to fill their round hole with square pegs


2014

12/11/2014

Try though they did, there was no talking to Boss Putz

They had no control over Dumb, Dumber, and Numb NutZ

So they did what they could to get through that last year

Now damn it all, damn it all, there’ll be Christmas this year!


2013

12/11/2013

What a difference a year makes!

Advice from the backseat

With the hiatus over
Feeling my mind’s engine re-tuned and re-charged
Tooling down the back roads of my imagination
Cranking on all cylinders and picking up speed
I listen as the tires kiss the dirt
And the rocks fly up to return the favor
Like tea leaves in the bottom of a teacup
I see signs in the streaks of bug goo on the windshield
And in the contrail of dust following my every turn
And hear, as I often do, whispers of wisdom
Rise over the headrest to tickle my ear
With the hiatus over
Back behind the wheel
Pedal to the metal and bound for anywhere
I let the vehicle take me where it wanted to go

This is where I landed!

Kids in the back seat cause accidents

tell me another

Accidents in the back seat cause kids
kyle oy face

 

LoL
Maybe I could steer just a little
;-)

An Age-Old Question…

For An Old-Age Mind…

What is it about later in life birthdays?

They often find one
sitting alone in a room
4 hours past the witching hour
with naught but
the eerily compelling
softly alluring glow
of artificial light
and mechanical heat
for company?

Whether alone by choice
or by insomnia
is beside the point
it’s the kind of alone
that’s not lonely.

It’s that kind of…

Alone in the dark
snugged in a corner of the couch
covered chin to toes but for the exposed
elbow that bends
the hand that holds
the wine that fuels
the brain to ask

So…

She gives in to the pull
sets down the glass
throws off the throw
unfurls the limbs
settles in front
and kisses the lips
of her secret keeping
story telling
question asking but
answer withholding
companion

Hoping that somewhere
out there

She’s met or
has yet to meet
at least one or
even better
a good number of you
older and wiser
new friends

And may it please you and to
whomever
whatever
wherever
you pray…

Can one of you?
Any of you?
By all that you hold dear?

Please?

Tell me?

Which came first?

The Chicken OR The Fucking EGG?

This, my friends, is what it
looks like
sounds like
feels like
to get old

Sitting alone in the dark, blahddy fucking blah, at what is now 3am, trying to celebrate another year, ONE HELL OF A YEAR AT THAT, of getting fatter, wrinklier, forgettier, and grayer.

I’m up to 54 shades and I haven’t found the answer yet!

Maybe that’s the point…

To keep on looking?

Still…

I Want to know!
I Have to know!
I Need to know!

Boggles the mind….

Haiku to the Rescue

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Rescue you we ask?

Five days into the answer

Rephrase the question

IMG_1994

It’s you Sadie, who has done the rescuing!

Fergus McInnes

Rhonda:

A friend in need…
As a community, I’d say bloggers are pretty tight knit for a group of folks that have never met. Please help spread the word for one of our own, as others have and I am now…PLEASE SHARE, our pages reach thousands…but it only takes one.

Originally posted on Lorna's Tearoom Delights:

By brother, Fergus McInnes, went missing in Geneva, Switzerland, on Tuesday 9 September 2014.

Fergus Facebook profile photograph hillwalking

Fergus walking in the hills, one of his many hobbies.

He was due to attend a work conference in the Swiss town of Martigny the following day, and to meet his colleagues that evening for a meal.

He boarded the 09:35 EasyJet flight at Edinburgh airport and was seen on CCTV in Geneva airport around 13:00, where he bought a train ticket that we believe was a return to Martigny.

Nothing has been seen of him since.

He did not arrive at the meeting point that evening to go for a meal, he did not check into his hotel room and he did not appear at the conference. He also failed to catch his return flight to Edinburgh on 11 September.

His mobile phone has not been switched on since he switched it off for the flight…

View original 256 more words