Like a dead tree teaming with life…
Or a giant symbol of freedom, waving as we go by…
How about being a little hombre, knowing you’re safe because big brother will always be behind you…
Even taking your first tractor ride when you don’t want to…
Whatever it is
and
Wherever you are
Cherish it
Remember it
Celebrate it
Life’s too short for anything less
Five & Twenty years today
What seems like only yesterday
You made our family whole that day
Second born & second son
But unique you are, second to none
You favor both your Dad and Me
Your brother? Lord, you two are like peas
Gramp? Ha, have you seen your ears?
With lobes like that you could fly, I fear
Your nose though, even I must admit
Raised an eyebrow or two (whose nose is it?)
Not Dad’s, nor mine, and not your brother’s
Not Father’s Grand nor Grand Mother’s
But we’ll leave the nose, we’ll just call it yours
‘Cause it fits that face we so adore
To celebrate this special day at hand
Our babe, our boy, our teen, our young man
You’ve made our lives rich with love and laughter
We share your hopes, the dreams you’re after
You were just a boy when you left and began
The next leg of your journey toward becoming a man
But you found your life, your love – your way
Thousands and thousands of miles away
It’s never easy to watch your kids go
When you are a father, this too you will know
But we couldn’t be more proud of you, our dear son
For the courage you’ve shown, the battles you’ve won
You’ve proven your mettle, your strength, your grit
You did it alone (mostly?) (a bit?)
As you keep moving forward, new challenges will come
But our faith in you grows with each passing sun
Though, an old soul you have, there is plenty of time
To live for the moment, those moments sublime
We know you do and you always will
Without taking for granted the glorious thrill
That life has to offer to you who are willing
To live what they feel, and feel life fulfilling
Promises? Never. You’ll learn as you go
That heartache and pain are a part of the show
Our best wish for you is to live ‘no regrets’
The more fully lived, the better life gets
We know the depths of compassion you hold
Your empathy, compassion, and emotions are bold
This day of your birth, this twenty and five
Is as miraculous now as the day you arrived
We love you dear Matthew, with all that we’ve got
(Your present’s in the mail…oops…I forgot)
For some New England states, the lack of development makes for an inconvenient truth…there is a high price for beauty. Of all the states that make up New England, Vermont pays a higher price for its pristine vistas and unspoiled landscapes, than do the others. That’s not a scientific fact, but as one who has lived and/or worked in all of them, I feel confident in my opinion.
Seasonal tourism has become the bread and butter of a state (formerly?) known as The Dairy State. However, that said, it’s still not enough to make up for what this state has lost, what it once was, and still pay for what this state now is…an entitlement state with a tax bill to prove it.
You couldn’t drive a mile without passing a flourishing dairy farm; their rich pastures dotted with the familiar black and white of the Holstein, just to name one of the breeds that carved cow paths through much of the landscape of its history.
Nearly every generation of my family, leading up to but excluding mine, was raised or worked on, a family dairy farm.
The sights we see today, or in our case, the sights Supe and I captured yesterday, are now the norm.
Neglect may come to mind…but it goes much deeper.
Neglect suggests a choice.
Being a farmer is a choice.
Losing a farm is not.
And this doesn’t just happen here, it happens all over our country. But here is where I live, and here is where I love, and here is where I weep, for the loss of the American dream, one field, one barn, one beautiful bovine at a time.
I’m glad this day of Reflection with Supe resulted in the following photographs, for amid the not so subtle colors that draw the throngs of leaf-peepers, there are also signs of the times.
And please, don’t get me wrong, not all the photos of yesterday are sad reminders. Some are of the wondrous sites that bring these people from thousands of miles away. The commentary only addresses those photos that evoke a sense of loss for days gone, livelihoods lost, to government’s well intended (?) intervention.
These signs are everywhere.
And knowing his roots as a farm boy, I also know it’s never easy for him to see what is an all too common sight today.
I wanted him to know that I see what once was when I point my camera in the direction of a falling down ruin of a barn, or the overgrown and gone to seed fields that once produced food for the masses, four-legged and two-legged alike.
I wanted him to understand that the photos I take are not just a sad reminder of the times. Nor are they just a snapshot of the foreseeable future.
They are, for me and I hope for him, as much a tribute to the rich history and grass roots past that he cherishes and I’ll never let die.
I wanted him to come away from our day of Reflection knowing I see and feel, the depth of what’s lost and that I’ll never take life, or family values, for granted.
So, here, Part II of A Day Out with Superman and Lois:
The High Price of Low Progress
~♥~
For Dad
~♥~
(and for you Dad, we’ll start with some to make you smile)
Leave a 3 decades long marriage to the only person who ever knew everything about you, but forgot you were there while he got on with his life
Meet and fall in love with another, heart first, sight unseen, and for whom there was no question that he was my future and I his
Make plans together for that future
Share every detail of yourselves and your lives with each other
Become THAT vulnerable
Learn too late that you love too much, yet are not enough at the same time, and figuratively get left at the altar
Wonder why you are not worth loving, while you fall apart, feeling in your heart, it must be true…for the old one forgot you and the new one didn’t want you
However, be asked to return to that 3 decades long marriage to that one person who knew all along you didn’t belong anywhere but with him, no questions asked
Spend months trying to come to terms with being tossed out of one heart and not understanding why
And allowed back into another and not quite trusting why, but feeling grateful and wondering if that feeling is justified
Working to keep a friendship alive while the question still burns “where did the future go when I wasn’t looking?”
Working to keep a marriage honest and true, yet at the same time, struggle with the two questions “how can he still and how come he can’t” love me?
Helping a husband find a new path in life
And willingly so
While feeling the ghost of pain as the other follows another without you
Unwillingly so
Clearing your life of all material possessions because it’s all become too much
Watching your life put into boxes and carted off like box lots to auction
Standing in an empty shell that once held a family’s heart
Heading into the unknown in the second half century of your life with nothing more than you started with
Wondering if you’re strong enough to handle starting over
With the old love
Without the new one
And not sure you deserve either
And through it all, come to grips with your own past and its demons
Shedding light on a life spent in the dark in the most public way possible
Light that will hurt and help you…as it hurts and, you pray and hope, will help others more
Light that allows you to be okay with the similarities/contradictions of love and hate
But still leaves questions, burning questions, about whether you are doing the right thing
And needing
Always needing
That and whom, which does not want to be needed
No one wants the burden of constant reassurance
No one has the responsibility of convincing me I’m worthy
No one deserves the mantle of “someone to watch over me”
I’m a lot of work
And the only one up to the job
Equipped for the job
The job of re-assembling my life
Is ME
I’m sorry if these words or these thoughts spoken out loud hurt anyone
That is not the intent
As it is when assembling anything
We must first lay all the pieces out on the table
Take inventory
And (if female) read the instructions
I’ve found the instructions of my life are complicated, often in a foreign language, and perhaps even missing a step or two
But I’ll stick with it
Trial and error
Use my Yankee Ingenuity if I have to
So that in the end, I’ll be reconstructed, reassembled, or re-purposed…
Whichever it is…it’ll be me.
And it’ll be great
We must first break it down to build it up
Let the rebuilding begin
NO
Let the rebuilding continue…for this journey didn’t start today or yesterday
It started November 3rd Nineteen Hundred and Sixty
A long project…a lifelong project…with a punch-list of changes ten miles long
A worthy one?
You bet!
Did I ever mention “I had a hammer?”
There are times, quite often in fact, when we let our experiences dictate the path of our lives. Usually, the bad ones, or the self-destructive ones…it’s surprisingly harder to stand up than it is to fall down. I’m sharing Kyle’s post DEMON for the very reason that I struggle daily with my own demons and it’s always comforting to know I am not alone. Equally so, to have a friend who can bear the naked truth of the dark side of some of our choices yet show there is light to be found…IF we are willing to look. Thank you Kyle.
they’re a bunch of fucking natives, and they spout all this hippie shit about self-discovery and journeys into my soul and what-not. i nod politely and agree, but just so as to be polite. i don’t want to offend them, but its all a load of crap as far as i’m concerned. i’m here for the trip of my life. i’ve heard about these mushrooms, ever since i started taking drugs. the most powerful hallucinogenic on the planet. the trip of a lifetime. they are legendary and until now, i wasn’t even sure they existed at all.
i look at the pile of goo the old woman spits onto the plate. i understand why she has to chew the mushrooms first. she has been doing this for years, and there are enzymes in her saliva that will break down the mushrooms and prevent me from vomiting too much. novices have…
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who am i that i’m not enough or is it that i’m too much trouble?
who are you that you are there yet are not there at the same time?
what is a morning without the light that makes the day shine?
what good is the cup half full without flavor happiness adds to it?
where is my mind when i reach for something, anything, to pull me from this quicksand and what i grab is a ghost?
where do i go when the only place i want to be is safe?
when will you stop being on the tip of my tongue and heavy on my heart?
when will the idea of you stop being the first thought each day and the last prayer at night?
why do i love and need you?
why do you not?
&
how silent are the days without the music a happy heart makes?
how long are the nights knowing there will be nothing but dreams that lead to empty places?
a dozen questions
one answer
a dozen answers
one meaning
nothing
god
how i miss you
I AM PTSD
A Wife’s Cry
by Lindsay Hernandez
†
I live in the shadows of minds I overtake
I am with you, every time you wake
You try with therapy, pills, and rest
I will overcome you even when feel your best
I suck the life, joy, and happiness out of your mind
All because I won’t be confined.
I wreak havoc on family and friends,
Just because they want to mend,
The broken heart I do bend.
I make you feel like you’re going mad
Just because you have seen something bad.
You fought for your country proud,
Now all I give you is screams aloud.
I am in your dreams, heart, soul, and eyes
And laugh because so many have cried.
They cry because they hurt inside
For the loved one I destroy.
I make you sick, weak and cry,
All you want to do is try.
To have a quiet day,
With no thoughts of what is at bay.
Just so you know,
I have put you through hell.
The worst day you have seen,
Is not at all what has been
Stored up inside your head.
You will never get rid of me,
For I am PTSD.
I will haunt your dreams and your wake
You will start to shake,
Sweat,
Cry,
Scream,
Beg to rid me from your thoughts,
I will be there forever,
I have taught you to never say never.
You kiss the ones who try
And, most the time cry,
To keep you safe and calm
For the storm has started since 2006.
For I dig my claws,
In to all surrounding jaws.
They don’t know what to say,
To make me go away.
From the hell I create every day.
The pain is so tormenting and deep,
All you can do is keep,
Me all to yourself.
For you are a soldier who has been trained well
Once again to live in this hell.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
I Am Warrior
A Mother’s Answer
by Rhonda
♥
you hide in shadows like the coward you are
coiled and ready to strike and jar
me from those moments I’ve managed to find
precious few minutes of calm in my mind
your aim is true as you grab hold and squeeze
twisting, constricting ’til I’m on my knees
my breath you take, my blood runs cold
then your fangs sink, that’s when they take hold
injecting your poison, this venom so vile
that it renders this warrior unable to smile
or to laugh or to love or to reach for the light
that shines all around him, through the love in his life
But hear me well…that light, love, and faith
are that which will beat you, send you to the gates
of hell where you came from, it’s there you’ll return
to the fire that birthed you, in it you’ll burn
for i am a warrior of the red white and blue
one of millions who are battling you
you’ve gotten fat on the ones you think beaten
but their war’s not over, nor mine, retreating
is not in our credo, our oath is unshaken
we fight for each other ’til each has taken
that final march in the battle to destroy
the silent pestilence invading our joy
standing together, warriors all
families, friends who’ve heeded the call
our mission is clear, you a clear target
our ammo is chambered, and lest you forget
we fight to the death for ourselves and each other
for each of our sisters and all of our brothers
we’ll drag your disease ridden, slimy carcass
into the light, no longer you’ll mark us
in shadows or nightmares, or memories unbidden
this light we will shine until all is unhidden
you can’t survive where there are no shadows
you can’t feast on a mind where truth flows
perhaps not today and maybe not tomorrow
but you will not beat us; bury us in sorrow
we are warriors, an army of light
we’ll see you in hell before we give up our fight
we know your name, we’ve got your number
PTSD?
Fuck You – You’re OUTNUMBERED
HOOAH
As some of you know…this has been quite a year for me
A year of losing a marriage of 31 years
A year of therapy and doctors and pills – (over, over, and no mas!)
A year of knowing time is short and getting shorter, with my beloved father; my Superman
Losing our beloved Ripken after only 10 years of furry joy
But also…
A year in which I found hope for new life and new love after 50
However, through it all…the worst of it…I found the best of it
The bare truth, the ugly truth, but the truth, just the same
And there is beauty in that
♥
This is not a sad tale
I’ll say it first; say it loud and clear, my husband and I are together again
And while there are reasons for couples who’ve been together as long as we have been, to find themselves where we did…
There are also reasons to find ourselves where we are now
After we separated and during our time apart, I did find love
And while it proved to not be what I thought and felt it was
I learned I needed the possibility of it
I had to have it
I had to know it was possible
Not with him, as that is done before it ever really began
But knowing the capacity for that kind of love is still in me, has helped me understand
In some small way, that the man I chose 31 years ago deserves nothing less than what I promised him so long ago
And too…So. Do. I.
It is with his blessing and understanding, which comes from the love and trust I know he has for me
That I am able to put the following out there because I must
For me
It’s closure of a sort
A new beginning of an old story deserves just that…a beginning
And in that same vein, the ending of the new story deserves its say.
And while that love was not, in the end, what I thought it was, it’s better as it is now
Friendship. And a lifelong one it will be
I have NEVER taken love lightly – Any kind of love – Nor have I ever taken it for granted
But I find I have always needed the kind of love of which I speak and know too that I can’t settle for less
Nor would I want a partner who would either
And it’s there, still, with the man I married
It had gotten tangled in the weeds, but it’s there
My garden is all but free of the weeds now
Mostly clear, and clean, and ready for next year’s bounty
What’s left to be done is this…and it is with love for this someone who has become, if not what I thought, at least what I needed at the time, and what I’ll always need at all times…
A true friend and A beloved one
It’s rarely pretty, this finding love and losing love
It’s not always complimentary, exposing ourselves the way we do
But I love my friend, as much now as ever
And I hope he understands, as I now do, that the truth, given OR received, is never wasted on ones we love:
♥
Rode hard, put away wet
Know the term? You do I bet
But here’s the thing…well, more than one
We all have dreams, or at least want some
We read the words from men like you
Meant to shock, arouse, and lube
Don’t get me wrong, they do all that
But there’s more to see here than that
If you’ll allow, I will explain
In rhyming time and sweet refrain
That which delineates the sexes
It’s more than just muscle reflexes
The matter of perspective arises
Far above your “cash and prizes”
As women go, I’m plain at best
At least the shell, the crust, the vest
But underneath, (not just for me)
There is a fire, so plain to see
But only plain to those who dare
To look beyond the graying hair
The less than fit, the age defined
The stretch-marked bellies, the Swiss cheese minds
Women of certain elegant ages
Have printed upon their bodies’ pages
Their stories of love and pain and laughter
Their tales of lives that we’re all after
But when we fall for men who seek
The more fit, the young, the more sleek
We feel pity more than other
For negate they do, that once their mothers
Were beautiful in the eyes of one
The one they trusted, who gave them sons
But you close your hearts to love and trust
The only thing left is shallow lust
Which produces naught but sweat and cum
May be fine, enough for some
When the end is near in our lives’ journeys
We’ll lie upon our final gurneys
Does one suppose he’s surrounded by
The lithe, the fit, the candy eye?
I fear, my love, that won’t be so
Fear even more there will be no
One at all, regardless of..
The state of fitness..nor of love
For if you set your sites so low
As to allow for only those
That please the eye, the prick, the glands
Forever you’ll dwell in Never Land
Even Peter Pan learned the trick
To not just grow, but teach his dick
That though the fit and the buff
Will feast the eye, it’s not enough
To satisfy a life long need
To touch a heart, to plant a seed
In love and trust, eternal gladness
To have that one to share the madness
Of every day life in every days ways
Of every day love and yes, the haze
Of lust and fear and pain and sorrows
Of knowing they’re there through our tomorrows
My wish, my hope, my fear, my joy
All rolled in one for you my boy
Is that the day you meet the end
You know you’ve done as you intended
For to wait upon the reaper’s time
With naught but wishes to fill your time
Is no way to greet the earth
The final rest, the final dirt
To know you’ve lived and loved and tried
With all your heart despite your pride
To give out more than you’ve received
No more we’d ask, no more we’d need
To face your death with lightened heart
Evolved from apes, from apes apart
Our choices bring us far above
What evolution thinks of love
For apes we are and apes we’ll stay
But apes are not all the same, I say
Some just fuck but some will love
Some for life, some far above
If it were not so, I would bow
To Darwin here, and Darwin now
But for myself, to this I say
Close your heart to love, you will pay
In the end, it’s all we’ve got
That makes us different, far apart
From just biology and lust
That fades, with time, and so does trust
♥
♥
I cannot, in all honesty, say it thrilled me when I heard the kids had gotten a Trampoline.
With a 12-year-old and 3-year-old on that behemoth bouncy bone breaker, I had visions of head wounds and little fingers and toes caught in the webbing, and mid-air collisions that would result in trips to the emergency room.
However, never let it be said that Grammy Rhoni is not one to ‘give it a chance’.
So, on many a morning during our recent trip to almost heaven…I sat with my trusted and constant companion and just watched.
I’m glad I did and hope you can see why.
My laddie is definitely a TRAMP!
So…I guess the lesson here, for all you Grams and Gramps out there…look before you leap; to conclusions that is.
Supervision, common sense, and a love for life is all that’s needed to make this a safe place to be a TRAMP!
🙂
A twist on the twister lovingly known as crazytraintotinkytown. Dallas and I have collaborated twice before this one…her stories, my photos. This time…my photos first, and she wrote the story around them. I love it and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do…it’s one of my favorites so far.
I hope you notice the header on Tink’s page as THAT was the original challenge photo. A series of photos of Bridges. The photos in the story were inspired by Tink’s writing.
If you’ve not picked up the gauntlet and collaborated yet….do it! It’s G R E A T! So, without further adieu, “Bridges” by Dallas Dyson at Crazytraintotinkytown.
This is another of my collaborations with the stylish and very elegant Rhonda over at 50 Shades of Gray Hair. This one was more of a challenge for me as Rhonda supplied the pictures and I wrote the story around them. I have loved working with her and not only is she a great photographer and a perfectionist but a generous spirited soul too. So on behalf of myself and my team-mate we hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed putting it together.
I opened the letter with trembling hands; the one that I had been waiting weeks for. It had arrived in the morning post but I had crumpled it into my pocket and delayed reading it until my Mum had left for work. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to share it with her but I just didn’t want to feel guilty either.
Mum and…
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50 Shades of Gray Hair 
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