And so it begins
Mother-In-Law plus 1
32 years as a Daughter-In-Law
10 years of hoping
But not quite
Another 21 of tolerating me
1 year of resignation
Will I finally pass muster?
This week may tell
I leave you with this…
In all fairness, it’s more like this…
Oh alright, it’s not THAT bad
They are just house guests after all
What’s the worst that could happen?
See ya next week
ps) Kat…hope you don’t mind my stealing two of your gifs
pss) B…if you still read this blog, laugh now.
Now, I hope you all know me enough by now to know that I am picking fun here. My Mother-In-Law is a strong, intelligent, sensitive woman and we get along famously. It just took us some time to find our own relationship, as it did my husband and his Mother-In-Law. There is love and there is respect and that is all there needs to be.
It’s important to let the seeds of this relationship grow naturally, organically, outside that of the child/spouse connection.
There is nothing in the rules of marriage handbook (and I’m sure there is one out there, somewhere) that says you have to love or even be friends with your spouse’s mother.
It helps, but it’s also okay if not.
(I don’t know why, but Fathers-In-Law relationships do NOT have the same dynamic)
Love doesn’t happen just because she birthed your spouse nor for the fact that you happened to choose her child as a life mate.
That just opens the door. To be welcomed in and invited to take up space in their hearts, you must be worthy in your own right.
If there’s any hope for a relationship, there has to be respect. On both sides. And, because you’ve both earned it.
Respect is one of those things we each feel we deserve.
As with any relationship in life, whether personal or professional, we can respect the title/position, but the person in it, must earn it.
Also, as we cannot choose our blood relations, we do our best to love them because of our common link, but we often find ourselves in the position of not respecting them for various reasons.
Love but don’t respect – common in relationships to those we are born into.
But for those to whom we have no connection other than by proxy via our spouse, if we do not/cannot develop a familial love, we can at the least hope to develop a relationship based on mutual respect.
If not (especially if your spouse is close to your In-Law) then personally, I’d say your marriage has a boot on its neck.
Especially evident when you and your spouse have kids of your own…
Becoming a Mother-In-Law can be daunting if the relationship with the new son/daughter lacks respect as well as the love connection.
Could you imagine becoming a grandparent to the little seed of your precious apple in a relationship fraught with tension and stress because either you or your In-Law or your spouse were always on the defensive?
Nahhhh…that’s for the birds and a bit like cutting off your limb to spite your trunk, if you know what I mean.
So, this Mother’s Day, it is with high hopes that all the wives and husbands who share porch space with me here, boast a happy, healthy, loving relationship with your respective Mothers-In-Law. If not, I sincerely hope you share one of mutual respect.
If not yet, work on it. It’ll make all the difference in the world…to ALL of you.
If you’re a newbie, or a work in progress, keep at it.
The door opened the day you got married…it’s up to you to be welcomed inside.
Conversely…to all the Mothers-In-Law out there still struggling with the addition to the family…
It is with respect I say this…
“They are married.
You didn’t lose one, you gained one.
You did your job, now enjoy the fruits of your labor while they make fruits of their own.
Resist when you’re not asked.
Be there when you are.
And if you can’t…try harder.
Should you choose the right road, and it IS a choice, you’ll end up smack-dab in the middle of the intersection of Love Lane and Respect Avenue.
Mom and Bertha
I love you