One Day

By dinner time tomorrow, our soggy, box-full, furniture-empty, house will feel like home despite it all.


He leaves the deep freeze on the shores of the Arctic Ocean tonight and will arrive on the unusually frozen southern shores of the Atlantic tomorrow.  Knowing he had not planned on bringing his arctic gear, an emergency phone call took care of that.  True winter in the lower 48 awaits his arrival.  He doesn’t mind though, winter is kind of his thing…


We’ve not seen him for over a year, Christmas 2012 to be exact. So much has happened in his life and ours since then, I’m not sure his two weeks will be enough time to sort it all out.  And sort it out we must, for as much excitement as there is in his return, it wears the shroud of sadness that only a broken heart wears.

You see, he fell in love with a dog, who owned the girl, that stole our son’s heart…


He chose the ring for the knot that means a great deal to her and announced to the world “SHE SAID YES!” on July 20th…

the ring

She chose the dress in the color that says “I am not afraid as I face the world with the man I love

the dress

They chose the date, Friday, February 13, 2015, to tell the world “We have no fear of your superstitions, we’ll face it together

They spent every spare moment they had together, traveling the land they both love so much…

matts land

One of the hardest things to witness is the breaking of your child’s heart.  Whether 2 or 25, the heart cares not the why or the how, only that it’s a pain unlike any other.

The life plan has changed. The love won, now lost. “She said yes!” echoes hollowly in the darkness following “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want to be with anyone”

As his mother, I grieve for his tender heart and shattered dreams.

As his mother I silently thank the girl for knowing this truth now and being brave enough to say so.

As his mother, I weep for and with him, longing to make it better, but knowing I can offer nothing but a safe place for him to cry.

So, it’s time for this boy, this man, our Matthew, to come home to slide into the open arms of his Dad and me; the only place he can let it all go.

The place where the man can again be the boy who needs what only his family can give him…a safe place to grieve, a hearth to warm the bone deep chill of lost love, and the touch of those that know the truest nature of him…love.  He shines with it and has since he was born.

He will find The One.


One who will see him for who he is, and love him completely for it.

We know this.

He will too.

One Day.

Until then, we’ll do what we have always done…love him, guide him beyond his feeling foolish for having loved “too much”.  With the gentlest of reminders that no love is ever foolish or ever wasted or ever “too much”. That to deny the best part of himself for fear of being hurt this way again, would be to deny the very air he breathes.

He won’t.  He can’t.  It’s not in him.

As his mother, this I know.

Welcome Home Matthew…where the heart is

matt1matt 3

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Hi everyone! Welcome to 50 Shades of Gray Hair. 50 Shades is my blog of life over the hill, where each day is full of delicious opportunities to earn another gray hair. I stopped declaring war on the gray when I began this blog years ago. Instead, I embrace and celebrate them along with whatever life decides to throw my way, with (sarcasm forward) humor and an optimistic eye to the future. I think. I hope? I don't know. At any's real, it's honest, it's full of 4 letter words, and it's me...on a platter. I sincerely welcome you all to my porch....♥♥Rhonda

31 thoughts on “One Day”

    1. I weep those momma’s tears to be sure. His is such a gentle soul and loving heart, it breaks mine all the more. But I do know, with complete faith, that he WILL find the one. And she will be a very, very, lucky girl. Thanks Yvonne. xo


  1. So sorry but as you said, thank goodness it’s now rather than later. Enjoy your time together and hope he likes VA!

    Sent from my iPad



  2. Know how he feels … had an engagement break oh so many years ago… not long after I met my wife, they said it was a rebound love, 3 weeks we got engaged 6 weeks later we were married, 40 years later we are more inlove than years back… so although he grieves the break it is probably for the best, there is a special woman out there for him and they will meet in some manner nad be happy for eternity…


    1. I LOVE that story Bulldog, and I have seen the love of which you speak on your blog. 🙂
      I agree with you, having had something similar happen to me, though it was 7 months and not 6 weeks (wow…again….wow) and even through a turbulent 31st year…we are now approaching the anniversary of 32 and can say I am very happy for it! Bless you both and thanks for sharing your magic here. xo


  3. I know those mama tears WW, and I know how good it will be to have in your arms for a couple of weeks (and vice versa). We love, we lose, we win – the greatest comfort is knowing that he will be where he is able to heal – at home. xoo, m


    1. So true my SK…so very true. It seems so little, yet I know it’s a really big thing and am blessed to be here when he needs it most. Thank you…xoxo


  4. oh crikey a broken heart is the most dreadful pain and its hurts more than one person when a family is this close, all the family feel the pain but again this also means that all the family will show the love, how lucky he is to have such a family, i do hope that he meets the perfect one, and in the mean time is perfect time to be in such a wonderful family
    and to know the love and warmth of such a family home is very lucky indeed hugs all round hugs and love xx


    1. Thank you Kizzy…I pray that your own sweet bairns will never feel this loss, but am confident if they do, you offer just the hearth, heart, and home, to overcome….xoxo


    1. Thanks guys…I’m holding out for The One finding him, when he’s not looking. A sneak attack right to the heart 😉

      We are sure going to try to make this a good trip home for him, and us too.


  5. Oh wow SB. Poor kid. I can only imagine his heartbreak. Glad he has warm parents to come home too, though. I imagine your hugs are fierce and full of warmth – I think he will be in good hands until The One comes along.


    1. Thank you NB. It’s been a couple days already and we’ve kept him pretty busy around here during the daylight hours I’m sure it’s not hard to imagine there being a thing or two needed doing in this house right?)…it’s the nights that seems to be the hardest…course part of that is likely getting used to the time change from Alaska to here, but a Mother’s heart knows.


      1. Can’t imagine. Poor poor kid. I keep thinking about how I watch my kids grow up, try to protect them from things while still allowing them to live in the world and amongst people… but it seems like you can’t protect them from everything (and nor should you).


          1. I haven’t gotten there yet. But it’s just a matter of time. Kids and people are so beautiful for feeling heartache, if that makes any sense. It means we feel deeply, that we care. And we as parents care along with our kids.


            1. it is the best part of being human my friend…I wouldn’t trade the tears nor the heartache for all days of sunshine and lollipops…for then I’d not know how truly wonderful the sun and lollies are. and it’s good you have time yet for these particular hurts…your son will have them…but the girls? oy…that is something I feel bring Dad to his knees…


                1. wish you loads of luck…and keep a crying towel nearby at all times, either that of get ready for the soggy shoulder syndrome…either way, it’s coming. (and I bet you’ll be great!)


Nice-n-Easy...but tell it like it is

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