The Ear Infection

My posts have been rather heavy of late (my Mother said I had a toilet mouth!) so I think it’s time to lighten things up.  Let’s see…one sec while I rummage through my email funny file.  Ah Ha!  Got one I think you might like and though I have to resort to using my toilet mouth a time or two…it’s gotta be real.  Ya know?


Okay…here we go:

The Ear Infection

They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There is nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.  I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it…
A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, ‘Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?’
‘There’s something wrong with my **penis**’, he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ‘You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. ‘
‘Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,’ he said.
The Receptionist replied; ‘Now you’ve caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.’
The man replied, ‘You shouldn’t ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.’
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, ‘Yes??’
‘There’s something wrong with my ear,’ he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice…
‘And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?’
‘I can’t piss out of it,’ he replied.
😳
The waiting room erupted in laughter…
 Mess with seniors, and you’re going to lose.
Any Other Questions??

 

Hey Claude…how’s tricks?

Time for another Email Funny!  I LOVE my email buddies…:)

For your enjoyment…Claude the Hypnotist!

😆

After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show – Claude the Hypnotist!

Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.

“Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time.” said Claude.

The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.

“I want you to keep your eyes on this watch” said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see.

“It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations” said Claude.

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting

“Watch the watch — Watch the watch —-Watch the watch”

The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.

The lights were twinkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces.

A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.

They were hypnotized.

And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!

The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact!

SHIT!” said Claude.

It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens’ Center, and Claude was never invited there again.

Oh Lordy!
Oh Lordy!